A long road

Today is my mom's 4th day in heaven. I miss her terribly. Today we celebrated her home going. Her funeral was a beautiful, worship filled celebration. I'm drained, but I am enjoying some down time with Aaron and Emily. Dad drove Grandma & Grandpa home. We'll all get back together tomorrow...and Monday we will bury her.

God's strength has been miraculous. He is so real. I'm so thankful. I was hurting tonight, almost thought I had a panic attack coming on. Too many thoughts were whirling in my brain. I asked God to give me something to focus on. He simply said...focus on Jesus. While Aaron and Emily were napping, I spent close to 1 1/2 hours pouring through Mom's Bible. Her highlighted passages were so wonderfully appropriate and comforting. I especially spent time looking at passages that promised of Jesus coming again.



God has answered so many specific prayers. 1. I was dreading and fearful of the moment I was going to see my mom for the first time in her casket. I asked people to pray for an extra dose of grace for that moment. God answered. I walked in the room, and said..."She's beautiful". She really was. It was so wonderful to not see her struggling to breathe. I didn't want to touch her skin because I didn't want to feel the coolness. She was warm the last time I touched her. But I touched her dress and patted her shoulder.

2. After I found out she was gone, I knew right away that I wanted to speak at her funeral. I prayed hard that God would give me the appropriate words. The words had to be such that would honor her...yet be a witness as we have many people in our family who still need the Lord. Dad and I really wanted the plan of salvation shared. (The pastor did in his message). I was also praying that God would give me the strength to share what I wrote in the funeral. God answered both prayers. He gave me the words...and he gave me the strength. I had one of my best friends come up on the platform with me. She was my backup plan in case I got too choked up. Thankfully, I was able to read the whole thing...quite calmly.


Aaron has been my rock. He is absolutely amazing. He feels like he hasn't done much, but he has. He's BEEN HERE. He has shed almost just as many tears as I have...He's taken care of Emily. He's run errands. He played and sang at the funeral. He shared in many intimate, difficult conversations with my Dad and I about my mom's final moments. He has been there to lean on...emotionally and physically. He supported my family, and was an example of a true Godly man, husband & father. I'm so thankful to have him as my husband. There really are no words to describe what he means to me...or how much I love him.

Emily has been my angel. Grammy would have been so proud and touched by her. She went up to mom in the casket and said "Awwww.....". When our babysitters arrived (all the way form Indiana), she insisted on bringing up each of them by the hand to show them her Grammy. She told people over and over that Grammy was with Jesus. She's been so good this week...incredibly patient when I haven't been able to give her the attention she normally gets.

I feel like I'm babbling...but, I think it's to be expected.

It's amazing the things you don't normally think of in regards to funerals. Take picking out flowers for example. How can something hurt so much and feel so right all the same time? It truly was painful. Making arrangements with a director...agonizing.... yet funeral directors have a powerful ministry to families. We were blessed to have an EXCELLENT director. So kind, gracious & sensitive.

That's it...I'm done... I'm tired. I'm sure more aimless ramblings will come later. I think this blog is going to get a lot more use. An outlet...

Please keep praying. It's so desperatly needed. We've made it through most of the initial crisis. Now we just have to rediscover what normal is going to look like. That's going to be no small task. Please keep my dad and grandparents in your prayers as well.