1. I miss Lake Michigan quite badly.
2. I just got home from taking our church kids to Dairy Queen.
3. As of Saturday, I now have a stepmom and 4 stepbrothers/sisters.
4. My mom's been gone 9 months and 17 days. I really wish I could call her and say "Hi" tonight.
4. My sister-in-law just got me addicted to facebook.
5. I really need to clean my house.
6. VBS was really cool this year. Our theme was "Cosmic City". The black lights and glow paint were awsome. Someone donated $ for a moon walk on the last night. That was such a blessing. The kids loved it. :)
7. God has really been blessing my work for Water in2 Wine. We are almost booked for the year. He gets all the credit because I really don't know what I'm doing.
8. God's really been teaching me somethings lately. I like that I never have to stop learning as long as He's in my life.
9. I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to go to Disney World.
10. Aaron and I have been married for 4 1/2 years already. Just when I don't think I could love him anymore, I fall in love with him a little harder. He's been such a support this past year. I'm so proud to be his wife.
11. Emily misses Lake Michigan too.
12. Emily is turning into a little girl. She's so not a baby and a toddler anymore. I'm still trying to figure out how this happened.
13. She just memorized John 3:16. :)
14. I just realized I have 2 "4's" but I really don't feel like going back and changing it.
15. I like lists. If all my blog posts were lists, I bet I would blog more often.
16. After 9 months of some crazy changes, I'm so grateful that God doesn't change...ever.
17. There is nothing sweeter than knowing you're right where God needs you to be at any given point in your life.
18. I really love http://www.moneysavingmom.com/
19. I'm realizing more and more how incredible the responsibility of being a parent is. I pray and pray that God will give Aaron and I limitless wisdom.
20. I was daydreaming today about what I would do with $200,000 if I suddenly inherited it.
21. I would definitley go to Disney World. :)
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
Monday, April 21, 2008
Saturday, April 05, 2008
Heather Renae Ashlock
To my sweet niece, Heather Renae Ashlock:
Heather,
Today I witnessed your birth. It was a day that I will never forget as long as I live. I was so amazed with you. You were beautiful. Fully formed. Your tiny hands, feet, ears & face couldn't escape my gaze as I held you close. As soon as I took you into my arms, I instantly had visions of days filled with birthday parties, play time in the sun, laughter with cousins, beautiful smiles, giggles, tickle fights, doting grandparents, school programs, weddings & births. It hurt so much to know that these visions were just that...visions. Never were they to become realities.
There were 10 hearts that awaited your arrival at the hospital today 10 hearts that were proud to be your family. 10 hearts that looked longingly in nursery windows as other newborns routinely went in to be checked, cleaned & measured. 10 hearts that loved you so much...even though they had never met you. 10 hearts that tried to beat strongly through the pain. 10 hearts that were comforted by God's wonderfully promised strength and grace. 10 hearts that will never be the same because you've found your way into them.
Heather, even though your precious life on earth lasted only 17 weeks, I want you to know that your time here has not been wasted. God has used you. Because of you, a family has grown even closer than it was before. Because of you, there are 10 hearts that long for heaven even more intensely. Because of you, we can all stand a bit bolder and stronger in our faith. You have given us yet another example of a time in our lives that God has held us close and carried us through.
I think that the greatest way I have seen God use your life is the way that He has given your parents such an incredible testimony. You would be so proud of them, Heather. They have done nothing but bring glory to Him. Don't get me wrong. They are heartbroken, and they are hurting in a way I can't begin to fathom. However, they are not bitter. They are not casting blame. They are simply trusting. Trusting in His perfect plan and relying on His strong arms to carry them. Watching your parents during this time in their lives has been one of the most beautiful things I've seen. I will never forget the way they have held onto each other and to the Lord. I don't know if you were watching your Daddy's concert last night or if you were too busy playing with Jesus. If, in fact, you were watching the concert, I know you would have seen the way God powerfully used your daddy as he sang and testified of God's strength during this storm. Satan must have been sorely disappointed. I can't help but think of all the people your mommy and daddy will minister to as a result of them being your parents.
Even though we are sad that we won't be with you for awhile, you should know that we are delighted for you. We are delighted that you will never experience the brokeness and hardships life in this world brings. You will never have a skinned knee or an upset tummy. You'll never have to get a shot or the chicken pox. You'll never know what it's like to be picked last for a team in gym class or to not be invited to birthday party down the street. You'll never have nightmares or homesickness. You'll never have to worry about terrorists or what kind of country your kids will grow up in. You'll never burn your finger, stub your toe or have your heart broken by boys. You'll never get lost. You'll never be stressed out or overwhelmingly busy. You'll never lose a job or have to pay bills. You'll never know what it's like to grieve. You'll never have to say goodbye. You'll never be afraid or scared. You'll never be at risk for cancer, heart attacks or strokes. You will never be disappointed, and you'll never know rejection, anger or strife. All you will ever know is the comfort and security you had while growing in your mommy and what's it's like being with Jesus in Heaven. So yes, we are delighted for you.
I love you, Heather. We ALL love you. You will never be forgotten. You will continue to be missed until the day we see you again. Until then...enjoy your life with Jesus in Heaven. We know it must be amazing.
Love,
Aunt Kelly
Heather,
Today I witnessed your birth. It was a day that I will never forget as long as I live. I was so amazed with you. You were beautiful. Fully formed. Your tiny hands, feet, ears & face couldn't escape my gaze as I held you close. As soon as I took you into my arms, I instantly had visions of days filled with birthday parties, play time in the sun, laughter with cousins, beautiful smiles, giggles, tickle fights, doting grandparents, school programs, weddings & births. It hurt so much to know that these visions were just that...visions. Never were they to become realities.
There were 10 hearts that awaited your arrival at the hospital today 10 hearts that were proud to be your family. 10 hearts that looked longingly in nursery windows as other newborns routinely went in to be checked, cleaned & measured. 10 hearts that loved you so much...even though they had never met you. 10 hearts that tried to beat strongly through the pain. 10 hearts that were comforted by God's wonderfully promised strength and grace. 10 hearts that will never be the same because you've found your way into them.
Heather, even though your precious life on earth lasted only 17 weeks, I want you to know that your time here has not been wasted. God has used you. Because of you, a family has grown even closer than it was before. Because of you, there are 10 hearts that long for heaven even more intensely. Because of you, we can all stand a bit bolder and stronger in our faith. You have given us yet another example of a time in our lives that God has held us close and carried us through.
I think that the greatest way I have seen God use your life is the way that He has given your parents such an incredible testimony. You would be so proud of them, Heather. They have done nothing but bring glory to Him. Don't get me wrong. They are heartbroken, and they are hurting in a way I can't begin to fathom. However, they are not bitter. They are not casting blame. They are simply trusting. Trusting in His perfect plan and relying on His strong arms to carry them. Watching your parents during this time in their lives has been one of the most beautiful things I've seen. I will never forget the way they have held onto each other and to the Lord. I don't know if you were watching your Daddy's concert last night or if you were too busy playing with Jesus. If, in fact, you were watching the concert, I know you would have seen the way God powerfully used your daddy as he sang and testified of God's strength during this storm. Satan must have been sorely disappointed. I can't help but think of all the people your mommy and daddy will minister to as a result of them being your parents.
Even though we are sad that we won't be with you for awhile, you should know that we are delighted for you. We are delighted that you will never experience the brokeness and hardships life in this world brings. You will never have a skinned knee or an upset tummy. You'll never have to get a shot or the chicken pox. You'll never know what it's like to be picked last for a team in gym class or to not be invited to birthday party down the street. You'll never have nightmares or homesickness. You'll never have to worry about terrorists or what kind of country your kids will grow up in. You'll never burn your finger, stub your toe or have your heart broken by boys. You'll never get lost. You'll never be stressed out or overwhelmingly busy. You'll never lose a job or have to pay bills. You'll never know what it's like to grieve. You'll never have to say goodbye. You'll never be afraid or scared. You'll never be at risk for cancer, heart attacks or strokes. You will never be disappointed, and you'll never know rejection, anger or strife. All you will ever know is the comfort and security you had while growing in your mommy and what's it's like being with Jesus in Heaven. So yes, we are delighted for you.
I love you, Heather. We ALL love you. You will never be forgotten. You will continue to be missed until the day we see you again. Until then...enjoy your life with Jesus in Heaven. We know it must be amazing.
Love,
Aunt Kelly
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
My hubby...
...spent 20 minutes in the freezing cold chiseling open my car door early this morning after it was was plastered shut by an ugly ice storm.
...makes me laugh and giggle.
...makes me feel secure.
...cries when I hurt.
...prays in a way that makes me want to *listen in* all the more.
...believes in me.
...has compassion on the little old lady at church that sometimes smells bad.
...calls me at work to make sure I got there okay.
I love him.
...makes me laugh and giggle.
...makes me feel secure.
...cries when I hurt.
...prays in a way that makes me want to *listen in* all the more.
...believes in me.
...has compassion on the little old lady at church that sometimes smells bad.
...calls me at work to make sure I got there okay.
I love him.
You know you're the mother of an "almost 3 year old" when...
1. A whole day of dry big girl panties is the cause of great excitement and numerous calls to proud grandparents.
2. "Princesses do NOT pick their noses!" and other such phrases are a normal part of your vocabulary.
3. Speaking of princesses...you have rekindled a long lost relationship with Cinderella, Aurora, Ariel & Belle.
4. You wonder if Jesus, Mary & Joseph ever got into tickle fights.
5. You find yourself craving goldfish crackers and fruit snacks.
6. The thought of a trip to Walmart by yourself makes you almost giddy.
7. You look at the world in a way you that haven't in a really really really long time.
8. You are excited for summer so that you can go to parks and blow bubbles.
9. You've been interrupted five times while writing this blog post.
10. You are a master at determining when it's *too* quiet.
11. You daily fall in love all over again.
12. You have the utmost respect for the person who invented the "Magic Eraser".
13. You are starting to realize how much wisdom God is going to have to give you in order to be an effective parent. You see how perfect His planning was when He chose to introduce children to their parents as babies and not teenagers.
14. You are having the time of your life.
2. "Princesses do NOT pick their noses!" and other such phrases are a normal part of your vocabulary.
3. Speaking of princesses...you have rekindled a long lost relationship with Cinderella, Aurora, Ariel & Belle.
4. You wonder if Jesus, Mary & Joseph ever got into tickle fights.
5. You find yourself craving goldfish crackers and fruit snacks.
6. The thought of a trip to Walmart by yourself makes you almost giddy.
7. You look at the world in a way you that haven't in a really really really long time.
8. You are excited for summer so that you can go to parks and blow bubbles.
9. You've been interrupted five times while writing this blog post.
10. You are a master at determining when it's *too* quiet.
11. You daily fall in love all over again.
12. You have the utmost respect for the person who invented the "Magic Eraser".
13. You are starting to realize how much wisdom God is going to have to give you in order to be an effective parent. You see how perfect His planning was when He chose to introduce children to their parents as babies and not teenagers.
14. You are having the time of your life.
Friday, February 29, 2008
A conversation with Emily
Yesterday morning, Emily was awake during our morning commute to work. We always drive by the building where my office is in on way to the sitters. This conversation took place as we drove past it yesterday:
Emily: "Can I go see your work?"
Me: "No, not today. You get to go see Tom and Cathy today. "
Emily: Pouty lip (Because she's not getting what she wants. NOT because she didn't want to go see Tom and Cathy.)
Me: "Guess what, Emily? In only 2 more weeks, mommy won't have to go to work anymore. I'll be able to stay at home and play with you. Sometimes I'll have to go do some work at the church, but you'll get to play with Daddy then."
Emily: She pauses to process this information. Then, with her face lighting up: "Can I bring my sweater?".
Yah....Mommy may be super excited, but Emily clearly doesn't have a clue.
Emily: "Can I go see your work?"
Me: "No, not today. You get to go see Tom and Cathy today. "
Emily: Pouty lip (Because she's not getting what she wants. NOT because she didn't want to go see Tom and Cathy.)
Me: "Guess what, Emily? In only 2 more weeks, mommy won't have to go to work anymore. I'll be able to stay at home and play with you. Sometimes I'll have to go do some work at the church, but you'll get to play with Daddy then."
Emily: She pauses to process this information. Then, with her face lighting up: "Can I bring my sweater?".
Yah....Mommy may be super excited, but Emily clearly doesn't have a clue.
Monday, February 25, 2008
WOW!
Today God gave me a miracle that I've been praying for since the day Emily was born.
Today I did something that I thought was humanly impossible.
Today God allowed something to come to pass that only could have been because of His doing.
Today God answered a prayer so specifically, it takes my breath away.
Today, I quit my job.
In 3 weeks, I will be coming home...for good.
In 3 weeks, I will begin to work for Water in2 Wine 20 hours a week doing it's scheduling & PR work. (Water in2 Wine is my hubby's music ministry....in case you didn't know.)
When you figure in traveling time & time I'm away from home, I currently work 53 hours a week.
53 to 20 is quite a big difference. A life changing one actually.
How do I feel?
Excited. Surreal. Nervous. Not panicked...just nervous. Adventurous. Exhausted. Relieved. Sad at saying goodbye to people at work who have secured a place in my heart. Sad at telling our babysitters (They just love Emily so much, and we love them!). Completely overjoyed.
Have you ever been so overwhelmed with gratitude that you don't know how to properly thank God? Seriously, words feel so inadequate. I'm asking Him to just listen to the words of my heart. I promised that later I would try to articulate better.
I'll also try to thank Him by doing my best. Doing my best to take care of my family, my home and in my work for the ministry.
That leads me to another feeling...A fear of failure.
What if my house is still messy? What if my meals are lousy? What if the laundry still piles up? What if I grow restless? What if I still struggle with contentment? What if I can't get the bookings for Water in 2 Wine? What if I get lonely? He's giving me this incredible gift. I don't want to let Him down.
But... I'll just give Him my best. Truthfully, probably all of the above will happen at some point or another. I'm human. I still will need to learn and grow. I'll still need His grace & His patience. He just wants my best. I've told myself not to fall into the "super mom" trap that new "stay at home" moms reportedly battle with. I just have to be me. "Me" is a young woman who daily needs to pray that God will continue to help her to be all that He needs her to be.
The finances? We'll be tight, but we won't go hungry. Somehow, I think it will be worth it. I believe we're being obedient, and I know that means God will provide.
Wow. I just can hardly believe I've typed all this. I'm still amazed.
Today I did something that I thought was humanly impossible.
Today God allowed something to come to pass that only could have been because of His doing.
Today God answered a prayer so specifically, it takes my breath away.
Today, I quit my job.
In 3 weeks, I will be coming home...for good.
In 3 weeks, I will begin to work for Water in2 Wine 20 hours a week doing it's scheduling & PR work. (Water in2 Wine is my hubby's music ministry....in case you didn't know.)
When you figure in traveling time & time I'm away from home, I currently work 53 hours a week.
53 to 20 is quite a big difference. A life changing one actually.
How do I feel?
Excited. Surreal. Nervous. Not panicked...just nervous. Adventurous. Exhausted. Relieved. Sad at saying goodbye to people at work who have secured a place in my heart. Sad at telling our babysitters (They just love Emily so much, and we love them!). Completely overjoyed.
Have you ever been so overwhelmed with gratitude that you don't know how to properly thank God? Seriously, words feel so inadequate. I'm asking Him to just listen to the words of my heart. I promised that later I would try to articulate better.
I'll also try to thank Him by doing my best. Doing my best to take care of my family, my home and in my work for the ministry.
That leads me to another feeling...A fear of failure.
What if my house is still messy? What if my meals are lousy? What if the laundry still piles up? What if I grow restless? What if I still struggle with contentment? What if I can't get the bookings for Water in 2 Wine? What if I get lonely? He's giving me this incredible gift. I don't want to let Him down.
But... I'll just give Him my best. Truthfully, probably all of the above will happen at some point or another. I'm human. I still will need to learn and grow. I'll still need His grace & His patience. He just wants my best. I've told myself not to fall into the "super mom" trap that new "stay at home" moms reportedly battle with. I just have to be me. "Me" is a young woman who daily needs to pray that God will continue to help her to be all that He needs her to be.
The finances? We'll be tight, but we won't go hungry. Somehow, I think it will be worth it. I believe we're being obedient, and I know that means God will provide.
Wow. I just can hardly believe I've typed all this. I'm still amazed.
Just think, I'll have so much more time to potty train. Actually, we've been doing amazingly well with that in the past few weeks. I wanted Emily to be completely trained (with the exception of night time) by the time her birthday roles around in March. I think we just might make it. We'll definitely be close. We do still have moments that leave me doubting if we are completely on track. For example.... I stumbled on this scenario when I checked on a "supposed to be sleeping" Emily the other night. 
I think we still have a few "things" to straighten out in regards to the process as a whole. :)
I think we still have a few "things" to straighten out in regards to the process as a whole. :)Thursday, January 24, 2008
Normal Dreams
The other day I told my Dad that I was anxious for us to spend some time together that feels "normal". The kind of "normal" that resembles the way things were before Mom died. I'm not sure we'll ever be able to re-visit that "normal" again. Instead, we will continue this journey that we started on Oct. 24th of rediscovering a new "normal".
Last night I had a dream. Vivid. I dreamed that Mom was alive again. She and Dad were stitting in our family room. Mom was wearing a light blue shirt. She looked beautiful & very huggable. Dad's face was glowing. He was so happy. It was spring time. There was no snow or cold, yet it wasn't too hot. It was just...refreshing. In fact, we were watching the weather radar on TV. There was a spring storm coming in. We were watching to see if we were going to get it. (Something very "normal" that we used to do. Our family loves to watch the weather.)
My mind was trying to sort out how Mom could possibly be there in my family room. I wavered back and forth from confusion to sheer happiness and joy. I even told her, "Mom, I saw how the funeral directors took care of you. They put you in the casket and everything. I guess God must have just brought you back somehow."
Despite my happiness, I could see that Mom was burdened. She was so glad to be with her family, but she was sick again now that she was back on earth. Clearly, her illnesses were taking a toll on her...just as they used too. I remember asking God about this in my dream. He told me that my old "normal" did indeed have it's challenges.
I had to leave them. I had to drive somewhere. In the car, I was looking up into the sun just rejoicing and thanking God for giving me my Mom back. I knew I didn't have a clue how long I would have her for, but I was so thankful even for just that one visit.
Then I woke up.
I've thought about this dream all day. All day, I've had a huge lump in my throat.
I'm glad my Mom isn't burdened anymore. Her new "normal" is something I can't fathom. Her joy must be indescribable.
It's just that she looked so pretty in that light blue shirt...pretty and huggable.
Last night I had a dream. Vivid. I dreamed that Mom was alive again. She and Dad were stitting in our family room. Mom was wearing a light blue shirt. She looked beautiful & very huggable. Dad's face was glowing. He was so happy. It was spring time. There was no snow or cold, yet it wasn't too hot. It was just...refreshing. In fact, we were watching the weather radar on TV. There was a spring storm coming in. We were watching to see if we were going to get it. (Something very "normal" that we used to do. Our family loves to watch the weather.)
My mind was trying to sort out how Mom could possibly be there in my family room. I wavered back and forth from confusion to sheer happiness and joy. I even told her, "Mom, I saw how the funeral directors took care of you. They put you in the casket and everything. I guess God must have just brought you back somehow."
Despite my happiness, I could see that Mom was burdened. She was so glad to be with her family, but she was sick again now that she was back on earth. Clearly, her illnesses were taking a toll on her...just as they used too. I remember asking God about this in my dream. He told me that my old "normal" did indeed have it's challenges.
I had to leave them. I had to drive somewhere. In the car, I was looking up into the sun just rejoicing and thanking God for giving me my Mom back. I knew I didn't have a clue how long I would have her for, but I was so thankful even for just that one visit.
Then I woke up.
I've thought about this dream all day. All day, I've had a huge lump in my throat.
I'm glad my Mom isn't burdened anymore. Her new "normal" is something I can't fathom. Her joy must be indescribable.
It's just that she looked so pretty in that light blue shirt...pretty and huggable.
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