Picture of Grace

Blessed Beyond Measure...

2010-11-24T15:10:00.003-05:00

Earrings

2010-11-19T14:23:00.002-05:00

To be honest, I almost forgot. I actually reached for another pair this morning. Somewhere between wondering where my hair clip was to hoping I would find my shoes in time, I remembered. November 19th. Your birthday. The 4'th one without you.
I threw down the pair I had in my hands (Which, ironically, used to be your's), and made a dash for my jewely box. Mindfully aware of the passing minutes, I pawed my way through the ever growing, tangled mess. I found one, but held my breath until I found its match. Finally, there it was. The tradition could be carried on yet another year.

Quickly I blew kisses to your grandson, hollered instructions to your son-in-law and (for the fifth time) called for Emily to get her shoes on. I gave up on trying for a sixth time and sat down to put the shoes on myself. As I tied the laces into bows, her little face lit up with delight.

"Mommy! I love your beautiful new earrings!"

That one comment stopped the crazy morning rush in the split of a second.

She noticed. Four years now, I've worn them on this day and this day only. In four years, nobody has noticed. Not that I expect them to. It's really just a tradition that was susposed to be for me and you.

This year, your precious grandaughter noticed.

So,I told her. I told her the story of today and why these earrings are so special.

"Today would have been your Grammy's birthday. I bought these as a present for her the year she died. I had them tucked away, but she went to Heaven before her birthday came. I kept them and I wear them every year to remember her special day."

I watched my daughter's face as she processed the story. Did she get it? Did she understand? Suddenly her face broke out in an enlightening, all-telling smile.

"Someday, when I get bigger and get my ears pierced, can I wear them? You know, like Lauren wears earrings? And Samona...from my class. She wears earrings, too. But the boys don't wear them. That would be silly!"

As I looked at our 3'rd generation earring lover with her shoe-bearing feet dangling in my lap, I smiled. Yeah...she got it.

I'm glad I didn't forget this morning. It was good to have her notice and to remember...together.

Happy birthday, Mom! I'm sure it will be "Heavenly".

"100 Things I'm Thankful For...2010 Edition"

2010-11-02T12:22:00.002-04:00

1. Our generous dentist.
2. Having a little girl who likes to snuggle.
3. Pizzeria Combos
4. Alex’s mischievous, “I’ve been caught” grin.
5. A job that I truly enjoy.
6. My in-laws’ frequent invitations to dinner.
7. My programmable coffeemaker.
8. Our Saturday morning family outings.
9. The ability to type this list without the use of any visual aids.
10. God’s miraculous touch on my eyes this year.
11. My precious church family that helped to pray that miracle in.
12. Praise Baby DVD’s.
13. The frequent sound of my children giggling together.
14. Medicine to help my husband’s migraines.
15. Mouse traps.
16. My redemption.
17. My Redeemer.
18. The movie “While You Were Sleeping”.
19. Facebook
20. Almost 7 years of marriage…to a wonderful man!
21. Monopoly games with extended family.
22. “Everybody Loves Raymond” and the way it makes the Ashlock adults laugh.
23. Our washer.
24. Our dryer.
25. Junior Mints
26. The gift of today.
27. Hand-crank operated flashlights.
28. Two sisters and a brother gained through marriage
29. Pizza and Movie Night.
30. The Holy Spirit.
31. The occasional moment when our house is COMPLETELY quiet.
32. The fact that I have 3 family members who rarely allow it to be that way.
33. Unlimited Verizon to Verizon calling.
34. Memories.
35. The countless times Aaron has “bravely” cleaned out our refrigerator.
36. Good’s Ice Cream Shop
37. Having a husband who is gifted with music.
38. Having a husband who is willing to share that gift with others.
39. Ricker Pops.
40. How cute Emily looks when she comes out carrying a Ricker Pop of her “very own”.
41. Peace…Perfect, passes all-understanding peace.
42. My heater at work.
43. That I didn’t have to learn English as a 2nd language.
44. The really fun age between 1 – 2 years old.
45. Health insurance.
46. The hymn “It Is Well”.
47. Funny greeting cards.
48. That I still have at least a quarter of a bottle of my mom’s perfume left.
49. Weekends.
50. Living Grandparents.
51. Indoor plumbing.
52. 5 years of delighting in my daughter.
53. Novocain
54. Grace.
55. Drive-thru’s.
56. A much healthier husband.
57. The way Alex laughs when I sing “Wild Thing” to him.
58. Shoes.
59. Bosses that everyone would actually rather have IN the office than OUT.
60. Good deals.
61. Dependable electricity.
62. E-mails from my Dad.
63. Umbrella strollers.
64. Always having my “Daily Bread” provided.
65. The decision we made to send Emily to preschool.
66. Photographs.
67. The fact that I could lose it “all”…and still have “everything”.
68. The sound of Aaron’s keys in the door when he gets home from work at night.
69. The dozens upon dozens upon dozens of times I KNOW God’s angels were busy protecting our family this year.
70. Savable voicemail messages.
71. Control-top nylons.
72. Strangers with smiles.
73. Cinnamon Bun flavored Coffemate.
74. God using others to show me His love.
75. 1 & 2 Corinthians.
76. Pianos.
77. Stir-crazy popcorn makers.
78. Lower utility bills in the fall.
79. Lola – Our GPS.
80. Excellent health.
81. Exceptional childcare (You can’t beat Grandma!).
82. Candles.
83. The DVD’s Aaron made surrounding the birth of our children.
84. Sippy cups.
85. Summer fun in a cheap, plastic pool.
86. 4 years to go before I have to send another child to kindergarten.
87. Each and every day I’m able to watch my children grow up…as they should.
88. Crockpot’s.
89. The week of vacation I’m taking in April.
90. A husband who is respected.
91. The ability to read.
92. A father who invested time.
93. A mother who loved.
94. Child-like faith.
95. The fact that Child-like faith is all it takes.
96. That the taste of toothpaste has improved over the years.
97. Hot water bottles.
98. Unconditional love.
99. Inside Jokes
100. Heaven-inspired Hope.

This man holds my heart tighter than I ever thought possible...

2009-11-10T15:02:00.002-05:00

Siblings

2009-10-14T21:25:00.001-04:00

Emily - 4.5 years
Alex - 4.5 months

I love my babies! :)

Happy Alex! :)

2009-08-26T21:51:00.002-04:00

Dancing In The Rain

2009-08-11T23:06:00.003-04:00

I know...I know...

2009-07-17T14:11:00.003-04:00

Yes...I haven't blogged in about 8 weeks. I know the ticker's expired. I know I need to update. I know...I know...I know...

If I post these...will you forgive me?

More Pics

2009-05-26T11:05:00.003-04:00

Pictures of Baby Day

2009-05-26T10:57:00.002-04:00

Video of Alex's very first moments...

2009-05-23T09:02:00.003-04:00

Video compliments of Aaron... :) (Seconds after his birth)

Baby Day update 3

2009-05-21T16:55:00.000-04:00

SOOO sorry for the lack of updates. We had him at 12:35 PM. VERY quick & very easy. God is so good. I was 4-5 centimeters sometime between 11:00-11:30 AM. That gives you an idea of how quickly things went. They gave me Phenegren for nausea around 11:30...that knocked me out until about 1/2 hour ago. Anyways...Alex is perfect. 8lbs 5oz. 21 inches long. Pictures to come later. I'm so blessed!!!

Baby Day Update 2

2009-05-21T08:36:00.001-04:00

Baby Day Update 2: The epidural is in place. When I get uncomfortable, they just have to turn it on. My water has been broken, and the contractions have started. We're having an entire Ashlock family party up here. :) I've even gotten some snuggling time in with Emily. By the way...I'm feeling so much more calm at peace. God is soooo good! Thanks for the prayers. (Pictures at the end of the day...)

Baby Day Update...1

2009-05-21T06:50:00.002-04:00

We're here at the hospital. After 3 vein attempts, the IV and Pitocin are finally started. God bless the 2nd nurse who got it almost painlessly. :) Other than Aaron dumping my ice chips in my lap, things are going well. :) Please pray....I"m nervous. :)

Tomorrow's the Day! :)

2009-05-20T22:46:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow's the day!!!! This time tomorrow night I'll be loving on my sweet baby boy. We're excited...and nervous. The house is clean. The laundry is done. The groceries are bought. The legs are shaved. The toenails are painted. Emily's in great hands, and I enjoyed a wonderful date with my hubby tonight. I think we are as ready as we possibly can be.

We have to be at the hospital at 5:30 AM. We're pretty sure they have wi-fi. It is my *intent* to update my blog and facebook through out the day. We'll give it our best shot. Probably depends on how good the epidural is... :)

Thanks in advance for all your prayers. I appreciate them more than you could ever know. If you could especially pray for peace and calm despite the pain, that would be helpful. Aaron thinks I'm already in early labor...I personally just think it's nerves. :)

I'm off to make an attempt at sleeping. If I can't sleep, I'll just enjoy the final moments of my wiggly baby squirming in my tummy. I'm going to miss that feeling...

Marcy

2009-05-13T21:43:00.006-04:00

I have a friend named Marcy. This girl is one of the best friends God could have ever given me. Despite living several states away for several years, we still have a very special relationship that I'm SOOOO thankful for.

I'm told Marcy checks this blog...quite often. Her husband apparently "catches" her from time to time.

Marcy, this post is just for you. The next time Richard "catches" you...show him this. :)

"25 Reasons Why I'm Thankful For A Friend Like You"

1. You understand the importance of "Old El Paso" taco seasoning...at midnight.

2. You know too well that camping and trains do NOT mix well.

3. "Father of the Bride 2"

4. I don't think there is anyone else I can go shopping with that I'll end up just sitting in the car talking with for an hour...or more.

5. You know the priceless value of browsing through funny cards in a store.

6.I can call you at a moments notice just to say "I'm having a melt down" ... and you do the same with me.

7. Chocolate chip pancakes

8. You understand that "jogging is bad for our health"...

9. You don't find it unreasonable when I say "I'm homesick for the beach!".

10. We were so excited and amazed that God worked it out for us to travel MANY miles to be at the birth of each other's first born.

11. You find and send the best cards.

12. "Eddie in a bathrobe" has special meaning for you.

13. You're the one person who doesn't mind when I listen to the same song over and over and over and over again.

14. You love your pets...

15. You cleaned my house after Emily was born.

16. "Bertha" has a fond place in your heart.

17. You appreciate a good Disney classic.

18. Sometimes...words just aren't required.

19. A phone call makes Kansas seem not quite as far.

20. Laughter over nothing is the best kind.

21. I can be real with you...and you don't mind what/who that is.

22. You probably have a Wesco hot chocolate mug somewhere in your house.

23. Even if you don't have a Wesco hot chocolate mug, I KNOW you have the movie "Chances Are".

24. You have an incredibly cute little boy...that my little girl STILL talks about.

25. I know you'll cry when you read this. :)

Baby Update

2009-05-12T14:40:00.002-04:00

God is so good! Yesterday, at my appointment, Alex was in a heads down position! :) I'm so thankful the doctor didn't have to turn him. What a relief! (Not to mention I'm soooo much more comfortable than when he was side-to-side. That was pretty painful!)

I am scheduled to be induced next Thursday, May 21st...if he doesn't arrive before then.

We are ready, excited, at peace and just savoring every minute of this adventure. Can't wait to see how it all unfolds. It's neat to know that know matter what, I'll be a mommy again within 10 days.

Love it!

My Silly 4 Year Old...

2009-05-07T22:08:00.003-04:00

Alex started moving while Emily and I were snuggling in a chair tonight. I asked her if she wanted to talk to him. To which she responded by saying...

"Hey Alex...How's the business going?"

Where does she get this from??? She's "4"!!!

Needless to say she had Mommy laughing, and we called Daddy right away to share the silly story.

I sure do love that girl! :)

37 week update...please pray :)

2009-05-04T17:04:00.003-04:00

I had my 37 week doctor appointment today. I learned that my son has an ornery streak...just like his daddy. :)

At past appointments, Alex has been in the appropriate "head down position". Today, however, the doctor informed me that he has turned and is now in a "transverse" (side to side position.) His head is on the right side of my tummy and his bottom is on the left.

The doctor is hopeful that Alex will turn again before my 38th week appointment next Monday. However, if he doesn't, we'll have to take some active measures. If the doctor finds that Alex is still in a transverse position next Monday, then he will put me in the hospital next Tuesday or Thursday. At the hospital, my doctor will try to manipulate Alex into a heads down position manually. This means he will goop up my tummy with gel and push...really hard. (ow!) If this procedure is successful, the doctor will then go ahead and induce labor in order to prevent Alex from turning again. If it's not successful, we will be looking at a c-section. (Though, I'm not sure if it would happen that day or later down the road.)

I know that the reality of all of this is not that bad. After all, we live in a day and age where Alex and I should be perfectly fine through all of this...regardless of how he is delivered and what position he is in. For that, I am VERY thankful.

However, my 37 week, hormonal self is rather nervous and teary.

I've really been praying that God would allow me to go into labor on my own, have a natural birth without a c-section & that Aaron would be with me when I go into labor. So, this appointment completely went against my "plans". (Hate it when that happens!) Having a healthy baby boy is obviously my priority, and I'll just have to accept however God sees fit to make that happen.

In addition to the appointment today effecting my emotions, I'm actually in quite a bit of pain when I try to walk or use my left leg for anything. I think Alex is hitting a nerve because of the position that he is in. You should see me trying to hobble around...it's probably quite comical. It really hurts, though, and it's very difficult to move or get in a comfortable position.

The other thing is that I'm REALLY missing my parents right now. My dad will come down the day I go into labor...or however this all unfolds. However, my heart really hurts for mom to be with him...and for them to come and stay awhile. I'm so thankful for Aaron and his family. There support is incredible and is such a gift. Telling you I miss my family is just my heart being honest,though. It hurts...much more than the pain in my leg.

Here are some things I'm praying about...I'd be most grateful if you would pray with me as we come to your mind:

1. Praying that Alex will turn on his own.

2. Praying that God will give me a peace of heart and mind like only He can do for my 37 week hormonal self. :)

3. Praying that Alex will be safe and healthy.

4. Praying that the labor will go well if I have to be induced. As of right now, my cervix is no where near ready...which can make an induction even more intense.

5. Praying that God will help me to be the mother and wife that I need to be as we transition to a family of four. I'm finding myself wanting to savor every possible moment with Emily just as we are. I'm praying she transitions well, and that I'm sensitive to her needs.

I do want to say that I'm thankful that God is in charge here...and that I know I can trust Him. This is only a small moment in the grand scheme of our lives. I know we will be fine...and I'm thankful for His goodness and grace.

Almost there...

2009-04-30T21:03:00.002-04:00

We're almost there! I'll be 37 weeks this coming Sunday. I'm getting VERY excited to meet this little boy that's been squirming inside of me. Things have been going pretty well. While I'm not super miserable yet, I'm at the point where if he came today...I would be happy.

The pregnancy itself is still progressing nicely without complications. However, I have managed to come down with a case of the "shingles". Yuck!!!! Fortunatley, the worst is over and I seem to have had a very mild case. I feel like God has been truly watching out for me. Some people put their pain and misery level at a "10" when sick with this virus. While I've had some pain and itching, it's been more of an annoyance than anything. I consider this a tremendous blessing...especially being in my 9th month of pregnancy. The doctor has assured me that Alex won't be effected by the virus. This was obviously my main concern, so I was very thankful to hear this!

The big "To-Do" list is just about finished. Though I'm honestly at the point where there is nothing more that really "HAS" to be done. So, that's a pretty good feeling. I'm tackling the few remaining items as time and energy allow. :)

Aaron and Emily are gearing up for the "big event", too. Both of them are getting pretty excited. I'm not due until May 24th, but Aaron and I are predicting Mother's Day weekend. We really have no concrete reasoning other than the fact that there is a full moon that weekend. I personally think Alex's arrival would be the best Mother's Day present a girl could ask for. :) We shall see!

I guess that's about all there is to report. We're praying for God's protection over the baby and myself and that things will just happen in His perfect timing. I cherish the fact that I know we are resting safely in His hands.

Baby Love...36 weeks (Taken last Sunday- 4/26)

2009-04-30T18:57:00.003-04:00

Huge, but Happy. :)

Happy Easter!

2009-04-12T16:05:00.003-04:00

Baby Love...33 weeks (Last Sunday 4/5/09)

2009-04-09T23:24:00.001-04:00

My day...

2009-04-08T19:35:00.002-04:00

...started off with uncertainty, proceeded with a trip to the Labor and Delivery floor of the hospital, and is ending at home with a hot water bottle behind my back.

I'm glad I'm at home. It's really too early for Alex to come. He would probably be okay in the long run if he came today, but I don't want him to have to spend extra time in the hospital.

Aaron and his parents are pretty convinced that he's going to make and early appearance, though. Especially since the nurse commented about how low he is already. We actually think he dropped yesterday....thus causing the new and fairly uncomfortable pain I've been experiencing. This "pain" was coming at regular 5 minute intervals this morning between 6-7:30am.

I kind of had a meltdown yesterday. I was hurting and tired. Not to mention overwhelmed by the fact that there is still so much that *has* to be done before Alex comes. (I think reality set in of how quickly he really might arrive.) Plus, I was really missing my mom...and dad. I remembered how they came for a quick visit when I melted down a couple of weeks before Emily was born...and how my mom came to stay with me the week before she came. Those were special times...not to be repeated this pregnancy.

I'm better now, though. Still hurting, but had a good nap today after I came home from the hospital. After reviewing my to-do list through practical eyes (instead of crazed nesting ones) I realized there is actually very little that HAS to be done before Alex comes....and my mother-in-law gave up a day of her vacation to spend with me at the hospital today. I'm very blessed to have her in my life. She feels more like a mother than a mother-in-law. A true gift from God.

So...that was our day. Now we just sit back and keep waiting. I'm sure I'll be tying up those loose ends on my to do list this weekend...in fact you can probably count on it! I'm still stunned at how quickly Alex *could* be here, but God's in charge of that department...and I'm so grateful for that fact. He's blessed me with such a good pregnancy. I know He'll keep His loving hand on us for the rest.

PS. I was reminded today of the fact that I will DEFINITLEY be asking for that epidural. :) I'm such a wimp!

Flower Girl

2009-03-29T21:09:00.007-04:00

Yesterday, two of our friends got married. They asked Emily to be their flower girl. She was sooooo excited and totally in her element. For the girl who lives to dress up and is already talking about getting married someday...this was the event of her dreams. She did a GREAT job and we were VERY proud of her. She lifted her dress up in front of everybody only once and she waved to us about 4 times. Oh....and she did NOT pick her nose. (Quite the acheivement!) She marched down the aisle and threw the petals (evenly) like a pro. She even walked back down the aisle arm-in-arm with the ring bearer at the end of the ceremony. Note in the video below WHO was actually walking WHO down the aisle. This girl will have no problem getting a husband someday. She'll just tell her choice groom that it's time to get married and she'll drag him down the aisle. :)

It was a very special moment for our little family. Thanks, Tony and Jama, for letting us share in your day!!! :) :) :)

Just 'Cause I Like "Random" Lists...

2009-03-19T21:43:00.002-04:00

1. 4 years ago at this time, I was in labor.
2. My husband has been experiencing labor pains of his own over the past 36 hours.
3. The emergency waiting room is not a fun place for a person with kidney stones to have to sit & wait.
4. The IV drugs they give once you get a room makes the wait worth it.
5. Emily LOVES to watch "Alf" reruns on Hulu....almost as much as she loves to snuggle and watch "I Love Lucy".
6. I'm due to have a baby in like...9 weeks.
7. I'm baffled as to how my body will accomodate the necessary growth of this baby that will occur in the next 9 weeks. I feel so huge already.
8. Emily told me that "Emily" (from Clifford the Big Red Dog) had the "Chicker Pops" (read: Chicken Pox). She informed me of this on Tuesday...which was "St. Patches Day".
9. I was a crabby driver today.
10. Aaron and I were talking recently about the fact that Emily might make a good nurse someday. She's got a pretty compassionate heart with just the right amount of bossinesss. If one of us isn't feeling well, she tells us that we need to lay down...go potty...get a drink...etc.
11. I'm really scratching my head over the fact that she turns 4 tomorrow.
12. I feel like she's grown up even more over the past 2 weeks. The things she says/does are amazing to us.
13. We had a fun tickle fight today.
14. It's nice having Aaron home tonight...despite the fact that it's because he's "out of commission".
15. I have such a hankering to go camping. Yet, I don't think this is the summer to do it. Somehow I don't think camping and a new baby would go well together.
16. For two years in a row we have wanted to take Emily to Chuck E. Cheese on her birthday and not had success. Last year, Aaron's dad collapsed and had to be taken to the hospital. This year...well....like a baby and camping, I don't think kidney stones and Chuck E. Cheese would mix.
17. Alex is moving a lot tonight.
18. I think the mouse at Chuck E. Cheese is creepy.
19. If I can't go camping, I wish I could at least have a really good S'More.
20. Alex is using my bladder for a punching bag. Gotta go!

It's 4:47 AM...

2009-03-07T04:46:00.002-05:00

...on a Saturday morning and I'm up and ready to start the day. If I knew how to put the crib together myself, I would. Alas, I wouldn't have a clue where to start. So, I decided to pour some *energy* into a greatly overdue blog post instead. :)

Let me just start out by asking if you have noticed my baby ticker recently at the top of the page. I swear it's different from any baby ticker that I have EVER seen. While most just seem to creep along slowly, mine flies along at an alarmingly fast rate. Honestly...I didn't know it was possible for a pregnancy to go by so fast. I feel like I just took a pregnancy test yesterday, and I now only have 78 days left until my due date! Unbelievable!

I think I owe this in part to having such a WONDERFUL pregnancy. God has REALLY blessed me. I have felt great and have had very few minor complaints. Maybe that old wives' tail about boys being easier on their mommies is true. I've really just been cherishing this special time in my life...trying to savor every moment of it.

Alex seems to be healthy as far as we can see. He's definitley a fiesty little guy. I just LOVE feeling him wiggle and squirm inside. To say it's an amazing feeling is such an understatement. My main source of entertainment these days is watching my stomache, and grabbing the hand of the nearest family member/stranger/mailman/lady in line at the grocery store so they can share in the experience of feeling his latest boxing match. Yes...a slight exaggeration, but I'm sure my family thinks my obsession with my tummy is getting a little old. :) Except for Emily, that is. I think she shares an equal level of fascination. She loves to talk to Alex hoping he'll kick her in response. I love how quietly she talks to him and how her eyes and face just LIGHT up when she feels him. It's so precious. Melts this mommy's heart everytime. She's going to be such a good big sister. I just love her so much.

Let's see...what else is there to report pregnancy wise? Hmm....I've been nesting like crazy ever since sometime in December. This has been great for my now non-existent-for-several-months-laundry pile. My house has stayed in good shape and the dishes are rarely a stressful thing anymore. I'm VERY prepared for the baby. With the exception of a few items I need to purchase, my hospital bag has been packed for at least a month. The furniture, car seats & strollers are washed up and ready to go. A swing and bouncy seat have taken up residence in our living room, and I even have a garbage bag in the diaper pail. Craziness....I know. It makes me almost wish I could have this pregnancy-induced obsession ALL the time. My husband isn't sure what to think. He doesn't mind, of course. Except for maybe those times when I'm up at midnight INSISTING that WE have to figure out how to put the bassinet back together after I took it apart to wash. He's been pretty patient & helpful, though. He's been willing to do things like give up a lunch hour toward the cause of sanitizing and preparing our Pack-N-Play. I've tried to hold myself in check and not drive him to batty. Little does he know how it's taking every ounce of will power to NOT wake him up right now so we can set up the crib. :) Ahhh nesting....there's nothing like it.

Now that I'm entering the stage of pregnancy where it IS starting to get a bit uncomfortable and my energy is slowing down some, I'm glad for the last few crazy nesting months. I'd like to give our house a good spring cleaning over the next two weeks & then make up some meals to freeze. After that, I'm just about as prepared as I know how to be. (Even the birth announcement envelopes are stamped and addressed.) I'm glad for that, because I'm realizing that if I were just starting now, I don't think I would have the energy for it all. I'm mostly happy about it, though, because I really want to take the last couple of months and enjoy some special time with Emily. The weather is going to be getting nicer, and I want to make the most of it with her before things change so drastically in our family. I've cherished the last (almost) 4 years of her little life and presence in our home. It's going to be quite different for us (and her) having two children to divide our attention between. I'm a bit nervous about that, but mostly excited.

I'm also nervous about this whole being "a mom of a little boy" thing. I get Emily. She's a girl...like me. What's it going to be like connecting with a little boy? I know this is silly, and don't misunderstand me. I'm madly in love with Alex and CAN'T WAIT to meet him. I wouldn't trade him for a girl for anything. I just know it's going to be so different having a boy than a girl, and I'm wondering if I'm cut out for it. I know God must think so, or he wouldn't have blessed me with a son. I just still have these nagging thoughts in the back of my mind that really make me wonder what it's going to be like. (Potty training...the amount of cuddling he'll tolerate...snakes, spiders, bugs...more *exciting* diaper changes...etc)

I'll never forget our ultrasound moment though....you know, the one where we found out we were having a boy. I burst into tears of happiness. I felt so complete. I was going to experience both a girl and a boy. How rich can you get?

*Note: This is the part where all you moms out there of little boys get to comment and tell me how silly I'm being. :) *

**Another Note: I seem to forget in my pregnant daze how much I loved babysitting a little guy from church when I was growing up. I started watching him at 7 months old and he was 10 when he was in our wedding. I got pretty attached to him and he totally made me want a boy at some point in my life.**

Let's see....I'm also pretty nervous about labor this time around. I think knowing what to expect makes me a bit more uptight about it. I had some pretty severe stomache aches this past summer that reminded me of labor. Each time, I thought to myself that we would need to adopt if we ever wanted our family to grow more. Alas, here I am...gearing up for labor. For all you women out there who make it look so easy and effortless WITHOUT pain medicine...I am NOT one of you! I do NOT have a high pain tolerance (hey...I even threw up last time!) and I will be VERY glad to let my insurance company fund the anesthesiologist's summer vacation. I admire you...I want to be like you...but I will also be asking for the epidural from the moment my feet hit the hospital entrance door. I just hope it doesn't wear off this time... :)

The truth is, I know I survived the first time around, and I know I'll survive again. I'm glad God has given me another chance to go through it, and I pray I can go through labor and not have to deal with a c-section. Emily was worth every ounce of pain...and I know Alex will be worth it too. My memories of her birth are pretty precious. Fortunatley, as the time draws nearer, my excitement about meeting Alex is starting to outweight the pre-labor nerves. Besides, they say sometimes the 2nd time around is easier and shorter. Maybe we can shoot for 24 hours this time instead of 26!! :) :) :)

Well, it's 5:51 AM. Still too early to wake Aaron up to work on the crib (Drat!). Guess I'll try to doze a bit more. :) Toodles for now!

Guess what??? We're having a baby....

2008-12-22T20:28:00.004-05:00

BOY!!!!

Today we found out that

Alex Richard Ashlock

will be the new addition to our home at the end of May. :)

We're thrilled!

Baby Love: 18 Weeks

2008-12-21T13:05:00.004-05:00

Christmas Sunday Morning

2008-12-21T12:52:00.004-05:00

Mommy's Girl

Singing in church with the girls.

Picture time...:)

2008-12-18T15:53:00.007-05:00

Check out Emily's cool ruby slippers!!!

She wore them on Halloween when she dressed up as Dorothy from Wizard of Oz!

We even had a Toto! Mommy helped her carve a pumpkin.

She had to wear a sling while trick-or-treating because she broke her collar bone! She rolled off a bed at her Great-Grandma's house and landed "just right". Ouch! We've been healed up from that for quite a while, though.

We think people took pity on her, and gave her extra candy when they saw the sling. :)

Mommy was still in her first trimester and quickly got tired out trick-or-treating. So, Grandpa Ashlock made sure she didn't get cheated out of a "full" candy gathering experience. :)

Emily with her friends, Natalie & Lilly. Love those smiles!

Baking Christmas cookies with our friend Jayden and his grandma.

I inherited my Mom's piano, and we recently moved it down. I LOVE that Emily will (hopefully) learn to play the piano that her Grammy and Mommy both learned to play on. I love how it looks in our home. It just belongs. :)

'Tis the Season...

2008-12-18T14:32:00.005-05:00

Wow... A lot has gone on since I last updated. First of all, I'm so thankful and happy to report that the situation my doctor was monitoring totally cleared up. We were so relieved and thankful to God for His touch.

Actually, things are now going VERY well with my pregnancy. In fact, this baby's taking it pretty easy on Mommy. I'm feeling great! I'm feeling so good, that I'm thinking it might be a boy. I've heard boys are easier on their mothers than girls are. I didn't get *all* that sick with Emily, but I have had it easier with this pregnancy. I'm so thankful. I know some women just have a miserable time. I'm thoroughly enjoying being pregnant this time around. The baby's a wiggle worm, and I love that I can feel it now. It really adds to the fun.

As far as the sex of the baby, we hope to find out on Monday. I'm so excited, though part of me would like it if the baby was modest and we had to wait until the birth to find out. I love not knowing right now what it is. It's so mysterious... :) Alas, when I think of all the preparations, I still want to find out. It will make things so much easier. Plus, I think it will be nice for Emily to get used to the idea that she's having a baby sister/ brother. That way she doesn't get her hopes up one way or the other. She keeps fluctuating as to what her preference is these days.

We are pretty confident that we have decided on names. Though, they are subject to change at any point. :) If it's a girl, we are thinking "Hannah Joy". If it's a boy, we are planning on calling him "Alex Richard". I wasn't too sure about Alex at first, but Aaron loved it & it has really grown on me. Richard is my Dad's name and Aaron's middle name. :)

Emily seems to be pretty excited still. She talks to my tummy. It melts me every time. She'll be a fantastic big sister. She will be in for quite the adjustment, though. After all, she's been the queen bee around here for quite some time. I think she'll do beautifully, though. She'll probably start preschool in the fall, and that will be special for her.

Preschool...wow....My how time is flying. I was pregnant with her yesterday....then I blinked, and I'm suddenly talking about preschool. Amazing.

Thanksgiving was a great time for us. We enjoyed spending the day with Aaron's family and putting up our Christmas decorations. I just love our tree. It's fairly small, but it's "us". I love how cheery it is, and it just makes me smile. Emily likes it too, and that makes me feel good.

Christmas is such a special time of the year. I'm so thankful for Jesus' willingness to come the way He did. I just don't deserve Him or His love.

We've enjoyed celebrating the season so far, and are looking forward to the next couple of weeks. It's so nice to be excited and joyful this year. I really struggled last year since it was so close on the heels of Mom's death. Emily was such a gift as she really "got into Christmas". She brings so much joy. This year is different, though....and I'm thankful. Emily's still excited as ever, and I love watching her experience it all. I still miss my Mom greatly, but my heart is full. God has blessed me. When I look at Aaron and Emily...or feel my baby moving inside, I think that I surely must be the richest woman in the world. God is so good.

Aaron and I celebrated 5 years of marriage on Dec. 13th. You know, there is something very special about being a newlywed. However, I think there is something even more special about being married at 5 years. I love how close we've gotten. We're closer now than when we got married. I love how comfortable we are with each other, yet I still get silly butterflies in my tummy at times when I'm around Him. He is truly my best friend and I love him with my whole heart. I'm so proud of my husband, his ministry & the father that he is. I hate the feeling of incompleteness I have when we are apart, and I love how his hugs feel when we're back together. I like having 5 years under our belt, and I so look forward to the next 5. It's mind boggling all the changes we've gone through in 5 years. Yet, I know they've prepared us for the next 5. When I think about how much my husband has become apart of me...how much I cherish him....and how intensely I love him after just 5 short years, I can't imagine how I'll feel after 50 years. I do love you, Aaron. Thanks for asking me to do this crazy life with you!

So, I guess that's a pretty decent update for now. I'll post some pictures in a little bit. Meanwhile, I have a little girl (who's supposed to be napping) calling for a drink. :)

One year

2008-10-24T08:53:00.003-04:00

One year ago today...about this time...my mom slipped into heaven.

My heart has been really heavy all week. It feels like the tears have flowed more than they haven't.

Then, this morning, I woke up to an incredible peace. Even as I lay in bed this morning reliving the events of that tragic day in my mind...both the ones I was present for and the ones I wasn't...I felt a quiet peace.

All week, I've felt a need to write, but I haven't been sure of what exactly I wanted to say.

A big part of me wants to relive the details that never seem to be far from my mind. I want to record everything from my last conversation with Mom to the way my Dad and I just laid in their bed that night...holding each other...crying...talking...trying to breathe around the pain...and praying Jesus would choose that moment to come back.

Even if I never speak of these things again, I know I'll never forget them. It appears that's not what I need to write about today after all.

Instead, I want to talk about this peace I woke up with. So amazing...it far "passes all understanding."

It's just another example of how God has held me tight this year.

He has been so good...so faithful...so loving. He has lived up to His claim of being the God of all comfort. Jesus said that those who mourn are blessed because they will find comfort. I can't begin to tell you how true this is. Hear me when I say this: There has not been a single time I have mourned over the past 365 days that God hasn't provided some form of comfort. Sometimes the comfort has been through a random hug. Other times it's been through my husband, daughter or other family members. Many times it's been through the healing of shed tears. Often it's been through the quiet peace I feel today.

I'm so thankful for the loving God I serve. I'm so thankful for His hand in my life. I'm so thankful for the hope I have in Him.

Because of this hope, I can celebrate with my Mom that she's spent a whole year in Heaven. I am looking forward to the day I see her again, and I can relish that this crazy world is only temporary. I'm so thankful for her heart that loved God.

I don't know if it's this way for every person, but grieving has made me intensely long for heaven. Since October 24th, 2007, I've read a couple of books on the subject. While my heart aches for Jesus to come back and just take us all home, I also realize that each day we are here is a day that God has a purpose for us. I think for me, my heart is beating all the more intensely for the salvation of unsaved family members. I ache and pray fervently that they come to know Christ. I don't want them to miss out. I've done some studying lately. While I know there are different views surrounding this subject, I personally don't feel this crazy world has much longer before Christ returns. This makes me excited, but it makes my heart ache all the more for these family members.

All this to say, I'm just so thankful for the hope I have in eternity. Whether God takes me tomorrow or in 80 years, I'm so thankful I know where I'll be. I would be so lost without Him. What a great and good God He is.

Yesterday, I went for another ultrasound of our almost 10 week old baby. There is a situation that the doctor has been monitoring. He says to not be too concerned at this point, but it's just something we need to keep an eye on. It has the potential to lead to a miscarriage, but he doesn't think we are at that point yet. We have another ultrasound on Nov. 10th.

Needless to say, no mother ever wants to hear these words. ESPECIALLY not during a week she's also grieving hard over her own mother. The thought of losing this baby that I love so much and take such delight in just moves me to no words.

And yet... I woke up this morning with incredible peace.

Last night, Aaron and I prayed over the baby. As we pleaded for God to protect it, we also gave it back to Him. I always *knew* that there was no better place to put a worry, concern or loved one than in God's hands. After October 24th, 2007...I can say that I believe it more than ever.

Please don't misunderstand...I'm still going to have moments of fear and anxiousness. I honestly don't think I have the energy to grieve again so soon and so hard. I can't imagine it all...

I just know that no matter what happens...I'll be okay eventually. Because the same God that has proven himself over and over will take care of us again. I really do know that there is no better place for my baby or I to be than in His hands.

So...maybe this is all aimless babble. I don't know. What I do know is that I just want to say thank you to my God for loving me so much and being so real. I'm thankful for how He has put up with my moments of weak faith and doubt. I'm thankful for how He's always been there and has never left my side for a minute. I really do love Him so much.

How I spent my Friday afternoon...

2008-10-17T19:58:00.001-04:00

It was sooo cool. I LOVE Sarah Palin. :) :) :) :)

In Love...

2008-10-01T13:34:00.003-04:00

I am in love.

We had an ultrasound today. We saw our little 6 week baby and heard its beating heart.

I cried.

Seeing the baby made the pregnancy feel so much more real. I've been feeling so good that it's been hard to comprehend at times that I'm actually carrying a baby...

...but I am. It's really there. I love it more than ever.

A good day...

2008-09-26T14:14:00.006-04:00

Today has been one of those days where it's hard to stop smiling. In keeping with my favorite "list" fashion...here a few reasons why:

1. Gorgeous fall weather. Warm, breezy, sunny...
2. Leaves are changing. Corn is golden.
3. Sidewalk chalk with Emily at lunch.

4. Our discovery of two "fun friends".

5. Chef Boyardee pizza (an old childhood favorite).
6. An especially funny "I Love Lucy" rerun.
7. Laughter with Aaron and Emily.

8. It's Friday.
9. A great sale at Kohls tonight on maternity clothes.
10. Emily wanting to sit on our swing and "watch until the snow comes."
11. Faith that God will always provide.
12. Basking in awe of His love for me.
13. Amazement of the precious little life growing safely inside of me.

"Mommy's Little Helper"

2008-09-23T17:55:00.003-04:00

Emily has really taken an interest in being a "good helper" lately. I really like to see this, and I'm trying to make a conscious effort to encourage it. However, I'm learning that close supervision is mandatory. Otherwise, I find wet Kleenexes on the floor near my mop water, or I see her bringing me an armful of wadded up towels to put away that I just folded. :) She's so cute about it that I find it hard to get *too* frustrated. :)

Tonight, I thought I would see if she wanted to help me make dinner. Boy did she. We had quite the time of it. See for yourself:

"Deep in concentration as she breaks all the spaghetti noodles in half."

"The secret's in the sauce!!!"

"Yummy brownie batter!"

"It was a tough job...but someone had to do it!"

2008-09-15T14:48:00.002-04:00

Thanks to all who've commented and e-mailed. I'm trying to catch up on e-mails, facebook & blogging. So, if I haven't gotten to you yet, I will try to soon! :)

We are so excited and happy about the baby. No, this wasn't a surprise. Though, the way I acted when I read the test would make you think it was. I just stood there kind of stunned...shaking. I could hardly believe it. When I took the test I had actually scolded myself for wasting money because I *knew* it was way to early to be testing. Maybe that's why the shock effect took over when the line showed up almost right away.

Emily and I picked up Aaron from his work to take him to lunch that same day. She was wearing her shirt and ran to meet him. Aaron got the cutest smile on his face when he read Emily's shirt and said "Really?" He's pretty happy. Much less nervous the 2nd time around. :) He always wants plenty of proof, though. I have a ziplock bag filled with 3 positive pregnancy tests. He just kept wanting me to *make sure*.

Emily is just beside herself. She loves telling people that she's going to be a big sister, and that Mommy has a baby in her tummy.

I think it's going to be quite entertaining to watch her little mind process things over the next 9 months.

The night we told we told her, she rode through Walmart in her shopping cart with her toy kitty stuffed up her dress. She kept telling me that she had a baby in HER tummy.

This morning we were sitting on the couch together and she got out a notebook with a pen. As she was scribbling all over the paper she announced that she was doing her "school work" because she was going to be a big sister.

When we saw a man from our church in the store on Saturday, she pointed to him and said "Hey! You're from the church! Mommy's got a baby in her tummy, and this is for the baby! See? (She held up a gender neutral newborn outfit that we had picked up for the baby...Something I can't resist doing each time I find out I'm pregnant.)

As for me...I'm great. Completely happy and content. No sickness yet, though I can feel definite *signs* that point to pregnancy. I think this is going to be a pretty busy week. I have a lot that I just *HAVE* to do before I start feeling sick. Texas Road House was one item that we crossed off my list on Saturday. :) I'm excited to wear maternity clothes and am quite happy that you start showing earlier in your 2nd pregnancy. Mostly, I'm just in awe of the little miracle that's growing in my body. I'm thankful to God for giving us this dose of joy after a difficult year.

As we spread our good news to family and friends, my heart did ache a bit as there is one special person in particular that I couldn't tell personally. Someone who I think would have been more excited than anyone. My mom. BUT...that's not to say I don't think she knows. I believe she does.

Sometime after taking the test, I remember asking God to please tell my mom for me. I asked Him to also tell her that she was the first to know. She ALWAYS loved to be the first to know...about ANYTHING. :) I asked God to tell her that I loved her, and that I was so very happy.

I have no reason not to think that God didn't pull Mom aside and share my precious secret with her. I fully believe that there was a moment in time when the only ones who knew about the baby were God, Mom and I.

I really liked that moment.

Oh, and I'm due Sunday, May 24th.

:)

2008-09-12T08:33:00.002-04:00

How we prepare for Gustav in Indiana...

2008-09-02T14:11:00.001-04:00

A little bit of randomness to get back in the groove...

2008-08-06T20:42:00.004-04:00

1. I miss Lake Michigan quite badly.
2. I just got home from taking our church kids to Dairy Queen.
3. As of Saturday, I now have a stepmom and 4 stepbrothers/sisters.
4. My mom's been gone 9 months and 17 days. I really wish I could call her and say "Hi" tonight.
4. My sister-in-law just got me addicted to facebook.
5. I really need to clean my house.
6. VBS was really cool this year. Our theme was "Cosmic City". The black lights and glow paint were awsome. Someone donated $ for a moon walk on the last night. That was such a blessing. The kids loved it. :)
7. God has really been blessing my work for Water in2 Wine. We are almost booked for the year. He gets all the credit because I really don't know what I'm doing.
8. God's really been teaching me somethings lately. I like that I never have to stop learning as long as He's in my life.
9. I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to go to Disney World.
10. Aaron and I have been married for 4 1/2 years already. Just when I don't think I could love him anymore, I fall in love with him a little harder. He's been such a support this past year. I'm so proud to be his wife.
11. Emily misses Lake Michigan too.
12. Emily is turning into a little girl. She's so not a baby and a toddler anymore. I'm still trying to figure out how this happened.
13. She just memorized John 3:16. :)
14. I just realized I have 2 "4's" but I really don't feel like going back and changing it.
15. I like lists. If all my blog posts were lists, I bet I would blog more often.
16. After 9 months of some crazy changes, I'm so grateful that God doesn't change...ever.
17. There is nothing sweeter than knowing you're right where God needs you to be at any given point in your life.
18. I really love http://www.moneysavingmom.com/
19. I'm realizing more and more how incredible the responsibility of being a parent is. I pray and pray that God will give Aaron and I limitless wisdom.
20. I was daydreaming today about what I would do with $200,000 if I suddenly inherited it.
21. I would definitley go to Disney World. :)

I love her...

2008-04-21T17:32:00.003-04:00

Heather Renae Ashlock

2008-04-05T21:57:00.009-04:00

To my sweet niece, Heather Renae Ashlock:

Heather,

Today I witnessed your birth. It was a day that I will never forget as long as I live. I was so amazed with you. You were beautiful. Fully formed. Your tiny hands, feet, ears & face couldn't escape my gaze as I held you close. As soon as I took you into my arms, I instantly had visions of days filled with birthday parties, play time in the sun, laughter with cousins, beautiful smiles, giggles, tickle fights, doting grandparents, school programs, weddings & births. It hurt so much to know that these visions were just that...visions. Never were they to become realities.

There were 10 hearts that awaited your arrival at the hospital today 10 hearts that were proud to be your family. 10 hearts that looked longingly in nursery windows as other newborns routinely went in to be checked, cleaned & measured. 10 hearts that loved you so much...even though they had never met you. 10 hearts that tried to beat strongly through the pain. 10 hearts that were comforted by God's wonderfully promised strength and grace. 10 hearts that will never be the same because you've found your way into them.

Heather, even though your precious life on earth lasted only 17 weeks, I want you to know that your time here has not been wasted. God has used you. Because of you, a family has grown even closer than it was before. Because of you, there are 10 hearts that long for heaven even more intensely. Because of you, we can all stand a bit bolder and stronger in our faith. You have given us yet another example of a time in our lives that God has held us close and carried us through.

I think that the greatest way I have seen God use your life is the way that He has given your parents such an incredible testimony. You would be so proud of them, Heather. They have done nothing but bring glory to Him. Don't get me wrong. They are heartbroken, and they are hurting in a way I can't begin to fathom. However, they are not bitter. They are not casting blame. They are simply trusting. Trusting in His perfect plan and relying on His strong arms to carry them. Watching your parents during this time in their lives has been one of the most beautiful things I've seen. I will never forget the way they have held onto each other and to the Lord. I don't know if you were watching your Daddy's concert last night or if you were too busy playing with Jesus. If, in fact, you were watching the concert, I know you would have seen the way God powerfully used your daddy as he sang and testified of God's strength during this storm. Satan must have been sorely disappointed. I can't help but think of all the people your mommy and daddy will minister to as a result of them being your parents.

Even though we are sad that we won't be with you for awhile, you should know that we are delighted for you. We are delighted that you will never experience the brokeness and hardships life in this world brings. You will never have a skinned knee or an upset tummy. You'll never have to get a shot or the chicken pox. You'll never know what it's like to be picked last for a team in gym class or to not be invited to birthday party down the street. You'll never have nightmares or homesickness. You'll never have to worry about terrorists or what kind of country your kids will grow up in. You'll never burn your finger, stub your toe or have your heart broken by boys. You'll never get lost. You'll never be stressed out or overwhelmingly busy. You'll never lose a job or have to pay bills. You'll never know what it's like to grieve. You'll never have to say goodbye. You'll never be afraid or scared. You'll never be at risk for cancer, heart attacks or strokes. You will never be disappointed, and you'll never know rejection, anger or strife. All you will ever know is the comfort and security you had while growing in your mommy and what's it's like being with Jesus in Heaven. So yes, we are delighted for you.

I love you, Heather. We ALL love you. You will never be forgotten. You will continue to be missed until the day we see you again. Until then...enjoy your life with Jesus in Heaven. We know it must be amazing.

Love,
Aunt Kelly

My hubby...

2008-03-05T22:04:00.002-05:00

...spent 20 minutes in the freezing cold chiseling open my car door early this morning after it was was plastered shut by an ugly ice storm.

...makes me laugh and giggle.

...makes me feel secure.

...cries when I hurt.

...prays in a way that makes me want to *listen in* all the more.

...believes in me.

...has compassion on the little old lady at church that sometimes smells bad.

...calls me at work to make sure I got there okay.

I love him.

You know you're the mother of an "almost 3 year old" when...

2008-03-05T21:12:00.003-05:00

1. A whole day of dry big girl panties is the cause of great excitement and numerous calls to proud grandparents.

2. "Princesses do NOT pick their noses!" and other such phrases are a normal part of your vocabulary.

3. Speaking of princesses...you have rekindled a long lost relationship with Cinderella, Aurora, Ariel & Belle.

4. You wonder if Jesus, Mary & Joseph ever got into tickle fights.

5. You find yourself craving goldfish crackers and fruit snacks.

6. The thought of a trip to Walmart by yourself makes you almost giddy.

7. You look at the world in a way you that haven't in a really really really long time.

8. You are excited for summer so that you can go to parks and blow bubbles.

9. You've been interrupted five times while writing this blog post.

10. You are a master at determining when it's *too* quiet.

11. You daily fall in love all over again.

12. You have the utmost respect for the person who invented the "Magic Eraser".

13. You are starting to realize how much wisdom God is going to have to give you in order to be an effective parent. You see how perfect His planning was when He chose to introduce children to their parents as babies and not teenagers.

14. You are having the time of your life.

A conversation with Emily

2008-02-29T10:21:00.003-05:00

Yesterday morning, Emily was awake during our morning commute to work. We always drive by the building where my office is in on way to the sitters. This conversation took place as we drove past it yesterday:

Emily: "Can I go see your work?"

Me: "No, not today. You get to go see Tom and Cathy today. "

Emily: Pouty lip (Because she's not getting what she wants. NOT because she didn't want to go see Tom and Cathy.)

Me: "Guess what, Emily? In only 2 more weeks, mommy won't have to go to work anymore. I'll be able to stay at home and play with you. Sometimes I'll have to go do some work at the church, but you'll get to play with Daddy then."

Emily: She pauses to process this information. Then, with her face lighting up: "Can I bring my sweater?".

Yah....Mommy may be super excited, but Emily clearly doesn't have a clue.

WOW!

2008-02-25T19:56:00.006-05:00

Today God gave me a miracle that I've been praying for since the day Emily was born.

Today I did something that I thought was humanly impossible.

Today God allowed something to come to pass that only could have been because of His doing.

Today God answered a prayer so specifically, it takes my breath away.

Today, I quit my job.

In 3 weeks, I will be coming home...for good.

In 3 weeks, I will begin to work for Water in2 Wine 20 hours a week doing it's scheduling & PR work. (Water in2 Wine is my hubby's music ministry....in case you didn't know.)

When you figure in traveling time & time I'm away from home, I currently work 53 hours a week.

53 to 20 is quite a big difference. A life changing one actually.

How do I feel?

Excited. Surreal. Nervous. Not panicked...just nervous. Adventurous. Exhausted. Relieved. Sad at saying goodbye to people at work who have secured a place in my heart. Sad at telling our babysitters (They just love Emily so much, and we love them!). Completely overjoyed.

Have you ever been so overwhelmed with gratitude that you don't know how to properly thank God? Seriously, words feel so inadequate. I'm asking Him to just listen to the words of my heart. I promised that later I would try to articulate better.

I'll also try to thank Him by doing my best. Doing my best to take care of my family, my home and in my work for the ministry.

That leads me to another feeling...A fear of failure.

What if my house is still messy? What if my meals are lousy? What if the laundry still piles up? What if I grow restless? What if I still struggle with contentment? What if I can't get the bookings for Water in 2 Wine? What if I get lonely? He's giving me this incredible gift. I don't want to let Him down.

But... I'll just give Him my best. Truthfully, probably all of the above will happen at some point or another. I'm human. I still will need to learn and grow. I'll still need His grace & His patience. He just wants my best. I've told myself not to fall into the "super mom" trap that new "stay at home" moms reportedly battle with. I just have to be me. "Me" is a young woman who daily needs to pray that God will continue to help her to be all that He needs her to be.

The finances? We'll be tight, but we won't go hungry. Somehow, I think it will be worth it. I believe we're being obedient, and I know that means God will provide.

Wow. I just can hardly believe I've typed all this. I'm still amazed.

Just think, I'll have so much more time to potty train. Actually, we've been doing amazingly well with that in the past few weeks. I wanted Emily to be completely trained (with the exception of night time) by the time her birthday roles around in March. I think we just might make it. We'll definitely be close. We do still have moments that leave me doubting if we are completely on track. For example.... I stumbled on this scenario when I checked on a "supposed to be sleeping" Emily the other night. I think we still have a few "things" to straighten out in regards to the process as a whole. :)

Normal Dreams

2008-01-24T15:13:00.000-05:00

The other day I told my Dad that I was anxious for us to spend some time together that feels "normal". The kind of "normal" that resembles the way things were before Mom died. I'm not sure we'll ever be able to re-visit that "normal" again. Instead, we will continue this journey that we started on Oct. 24th of rediscovering a new "normal".

Last night I had a dream. Vivid. I dreamed that Mom was alive again. She and Dad were stitting in our family room. Mom was wearing a light blue shirt. She looked beautiful & very huggable. Dad's face was glowing. He was so happy. It was spring time. There was no snow or cold, yet it wasn't too hot. It was just...refreshing. In fact, we were watching the weather radar on TV. There was a spring storm coming in. We were watching to see if we were going to get it. (Something very "normal" that we used to do. Our family loves to watch the weather.)

My mind was trying to sort out how Mom could possibly be there in my family room. I wavered back and forth from confusion to sheer happiness and joy. I even told her, "Mom, I saw how the funeral directors took care of you. They put you in the casket and everything. I guess God must have just brought you back somehow."

Despite my happiness, I could see that Mom was burdened. She was so glad to be with her family, but she was sick again now that she was back on earth. Clearly, her illnesses were taking a toll on her...just as they used too. I remember asking God about this in my dream. He told me that my old "normal" did indeed have it's challenges.

I had to leave them. I had to drive somewhere. In the car, I was looking up into the sun just rejoicing and thanking God for giving me my Mom back. I knew I didn't have a clue how long I would have her for, but I was so thankful even for just that one visit.

Then I woke up.

I've thought about this dream all day. All day, I've had a huge lump in my throat.

I'm glad my Mom isn't burdened anymore. Her new "normal" is something I can't fathom. Her joy must be indescribable.

It's just that she looked so pretty in that light blue shirt...pretty and huggable.

Tips for Working Mothers #1

2008-01-21T18:28:00.001-05:00

#1 Occasionally have an all out, bathroom-soaking, have-to-get-a-dry-towel-when-you're-done-water fight during bath time.

Seriously, why not? You're bathroom floor always gets drenched anyways during the 60 second intervals you turn your back to process the laundry and pack the diaper bag...no matter how many times you give the "Keep the water in the tub!" lecture. I guarantee the absolutely hysterical laughter that will ensue from BOTH of you will be entirely worth it. The extra 2 or 3 towels it takes to mop up that night will be worth the precious memory and 10 minutes of stress relief you just found. The #1 rule to make this activity a success is that you make sure you drench your child with just as much fervor as they get you. Trust me, they can handle it!!! :)

I would have posted a picture, but I didn't dare bring the camera anywhere near the bathroom during or following this new found event.

Little Lady

2007-12-23T12:11:00.003-05:00

All dressed up and ready to go celebrate Christmas Sunday at Grandpa's church in Muskegon...

...only to receive a call 5 minutes later that church was canceled due to a power outage. :) The 70 mph wind gusts during the night took a toll on the neighborhood Dad's church is in. Oh well! She was the finest dressed lady at "Toast & Jam's" for breakfast. :)

Winter at the Beach...

2007-12-22T21:28:00.001-05:00

Snow!!!

2007-12-15T13:07:00.000-05:00

The Ashlocks are snowbound...ALL of them! We are under a winter storm warning, and are expected to receive up to 10-17 inches of snow! Not to mention there is the potential of 40 mph wind gusts.

Early this morning Aaron, Emily & I packed up and headed over to my in-laws. Jonathan and Jennifer came over too. We all brought food, video games, books, movies and clothes to stay until Monday morning. Church has already been canceled for Sunday.

I can't begin to tell you how snuggly, cozy and content I feel. It's been delightful. :) I've already eaten way too much and held Emmy while she took a nap. This is seriously way too much fun! This Michigan girl is sooo happy! We have no where to go and nothing to do. We just get to cozy up and be together. I LOVE it! This is the first big snow that Emily will get to go out and play in. She was sick the last time we had a lot of snow. I can't wait to take her out.

In other news, Aaron and I just celebrated 4 years of marriage this week. Our anniversary was the 13th. God has blessed me beyond belief by giving me the husband he has. It's hard to come up with the words to tell you what Aaron means to me. I attempted to convey it to him in a letter this year, but it still feels so inadequate. He understood though...and I know he feels the exact same way. :) 2007 has been the hardest year of my life, but God sent me a soul mate to walk with me through it. Aaron has kept his part of our marriage vows ferverously. He's such gift.

I was treated with a dozen roses this year....awww!!!! We celebrated with a meal at our favorite place to eat...Olive Garden! It was nice to just be together.

I just got a kiss on the cheek from him. Sigh! :)

My Grandfather did pass away a few minutes past mindnight on the 14th. I think I was praying for him right around the time he went. Something felt different during that time of prayer. I'm so glad he's home. He can see again. He's with Mom. Wow.

We're waiting to hear on funeral arrangements, but it will be later in the week.

God is good. 2007 may have been hard, but God has given us many moments to cherish this year. Anniversaries and snow storms are just a few. :) Life moves on, and many special memories are waiting to be made. I have so much to be thankful for.

Love to you all!

"Soon"

2007-12-12T10:27:00.000-05:00

80 years ago today, it was 1927. 80 years ago today, Ruth was VERY pregnant. She was beautiful, but uncomfortable. Excited, but nervous. Tired, but not sleeping well. Restlessness, anciness & nesting consumed her thoughts and actions, I'm sure. She must have been filled with impatient wonderment at the fact that she could go into labor at any moment.

What would this labor be like? This was to be her first baby. Was it really as bad as everyone said it would be? Would she be able to endure it? Sure she could. She was tough. Women in her family had been giving birth for years.

Lester, her husband, was probably just as excited and impatient. He probably watched Ruth's every move to see if she showed any signs of pain or change. He loved her so much. He would be a good father. She was sure of this. They would make a good team. Helpmates they were. Whatever lack of funds or experience they had, they knew there God would make up the difference; their questions quieted by faith.

It was cold outside on this Virginia, December day, but they must have been warm with the excitement of the grand event that lay ahead. Would it be a boy or a girl? Would it be healthy. They were due to find out soon.

"Soon" is a very relative term when you are pregnant. A week can seem like an eternity. Despite there excitement, and anticipation, a week is what it would take before Lester & Ruth could meet there baby.

On December 19th, Ruth gave birth to a son...just in time for Christmas. They named him Donald Gene. They were so proud. The love that filled there hearts was intense. Their wait was finally over.

80 years later, Lester & Ruth are probably growing restless again. They are filled with an impatient wonderment that the moment could happen at any time. Looking at each other with the same, intense love that they had in there eyes 80 years ago, they talk about what it will be like. They are so proud. What will he look like? When will he get here? "Soon" is all they've been told. "Soon" still seems like an eternity, but their questions are quieted yet again by faith.

They've been called. They've been summoned. They've been asked to stand ready. A beautiful woman that they have recently enjoyed a delightful visit with joins them. Her excitement can hardly be contained either. She talks about how she can't wait to get one of his famous "love pats". They pass the time by sharing memories and reminiscing about Don. They keep watching...waiting. Jesus wouldn't have asked them to come if it wasn't time yet.

I wish I could be there. I wish I could stand there with them as "soon" comes to pass, but I can't. I wish I could experience the reunion and the hugs. Oh how I want to be apart of those hugs. The laughter, the reminiscing.

It's not God's plan for now, though. Instead, I will stand here, cold on a December day. My heart will ache to where it's hard to breathe...somewhat like the way it did a month and a half ago. I already have questions, but faith is already at work quieting them. When I picture this happy, excited welcoming party, the cold just drifts away.

They are ready for you, Grandpa. Mom, Great Grandpa & Great Grandma are all waiting. You've almost left us twice already, but this time we know it's certain. I'm here just waiting for the call. I'm happy for you, Grandpa. I want you to go. You need to go. I just wish Jesus would come and take us all together. I trust His timing, though. I'll keep living purposefully until that day comes.

Tell Mom I said "hi". Tell her we are making it. Hurting, but trying to make her proud. Tell her that I love her, and I miss her so much. Give each other big hugs for me.

Even though it seems like an eternity away, I'll see you both "soon".

PS. Happy Birthday...one week early

Mom's tribute

2007-10-27T23:49:00.000-04:00

Here is what God helped me right and share at the funeral....

Mom’s Tribute

God is good. I can’t tell you what a privilege and a blessing it is to share with you about the most special woman in my life. Today, I would just like to share with you a few reasons why she was so special to me. On Mother’s day of this year, I gave her a gift that I hope conveyed to her just how special she really was. My gift was a list of 100 things she did right as my mom. Since some of those things are just between mom and I, you don’t get to hear all 100, but I would like to share with you some of the things off of that list
1. You taught me how to properly set a table.
2. When I was nervous before my first soccer game in 6th grade, you took me in to the fellowship center and practiced with me.
3. You took me seriously…
4. You tried to get me to not take myself so seriously.
5. You just laughed and told me to live a little when you found out I had been hiding fake fingernails in my dresser drawer.
6. You made a home that my friends liked to come over to.
7. When I came home from school with dirty clothes, you didn’t get mad. You just said “That’s what the washing machine is for”
8. You let me help you with housework when I was little.
9. You MADE me help with housework when I was older. (I’m sorry for the bad attitudes!)
10. You stayed with me the week before Emily was born…despite all my pregnancy craziness.
11. You let me wear your Ralph Lauren Perfume on special occasions.
**It smells very good today**
12. You’re a wonderful Grammy for my daughter.
13. You taught me to take a 20 minute shower instead of 60 minute ones. (By the way…my showers lately average a mere 7 minutes.)
14. You always told me I was beautiful.
15. You taught me what true beauty really is.
16. You are an example of that beauty.
17. You let me stubbornly hold fast to traditions that were so important to me.
18. Speaking of stubborn….you somehow acquired the balance of knowing when to let me be stubborn…and when to be stubborn yourself. I thank you for both.
19. You taught me this “This little Piggy”, “Oh how I love Jesus” , “This Is the Way We Wash Our Hair”, “Kelly, stop hitting yourself!” , “The “Insy Weensy Spider” & how to steal noses. All of which are becoming classics with a certain 2 year old we both know and love.
20. You taught me the importance of waiting for “God’s best”.
21. You bragged about me.
22. You always reacted in a way that made my homemade gifts & cards seem like the grandest treasures.
23. Golden Girls……need I say more?
24. Everything good I know about being a mommy, I’ve learned from you.
25. I don’t ever remember a time when you said “I told you so”.
26. You’ve folded countless baskets of clothes for me.
27. You didn’t get too upset all the times I fell in lakes and rivers after you told me not to get wet.

My mom impacted my life in countless ways that far exceeded my list of 100. However, there were 3 on my list that far surpass the others. 3 things that…because she did, I am who I am today.

1. One night when I was 4 and couldn’t sleep, you told me that Jesus wanted to come into my heart.

My mom helped me fall in love with Jesus at an early age. My mom made sure I had the opportunity early on to accept him. Because of what Christ did on the cross, I stand here today forgiven and free. Because of what Christ did on the cross, my mom is in heaven…and someday, I will see her again. Praise God.

Mom and I shared a common burden for several people who we know still need to accept Jesus. If even one person here accepts Christ today, all of the events of this week will have been worth it. Dad and I know that mom would say the exact same thing.

2 I’ve learned so much about trusting God from you.
My mom instilled in me a deep faith and trust in God. Not only did she teach me this, but she lived out an incredible example of how a person can cling to God and trust in His promises. Throughout my Mom’s illness, I never never never heard her doubt her God.

I stand here today heartbroken and hurting…but because of my Mom’s legacy, I can tell you that I stand here completely trusting in God wisdom, His perfect timing, His mercy & His love. I know there will still be hard days ahead, but I know my God will carry me. And I know, I can trust his promises that Mom is at perfect peace and joy with Him…and that I WILL see her again. In fact, because of her faith and trust in God, we had a conversation Monday night of this week about the assurance that we had that we would all be in heaven someday.

Finally, mom always pointed me to scripture for encouragement.
Any time my mom said that she felt led to give me a scripture, I listened. Every single time, the scripture would hit the nail on the head. It would be the perfect thing for that moment in time. God has used this method of speaking to me through my mom countless times. It never ceased to amaze me

On Tuesday, the day before she died, my mom left me a voicemail on my cell phone. She told me that she felt led to have me read Psalms 91. She was emphatic that I read it before going to bed that night…and I did. I had someone read it to me the moment after I found out she had gone home to Jesus….and I’ve read it several times since. When I opened her Bible to read it at the house, it fell right open to the exact page, because she had book marked it. Almost the whole Psalm is highlighted. And in her beautiful handwriting she has written next to it the words “Be Brave…You have God!”.

I would like to share with you parts of Psalms 91. I would encourage you to read the whole thing later.

“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord “he is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust. Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers and under his wings you will find refuge. His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

Because he loves me, says the Lord, I will rescue him. I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him. I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation.”

I love you Mama… Thank you for your life and your legacy. Thank you for your love and for just being you and all that meant. I’ll make sure Emily knows, Mom. I’ll make sure she knows about all that was so important to you. With God’s help, your legacy will carry on through her. Remember Mom…I’ll always be Mama’s Angel.

A long road

2007-10-27T23:25:00.000-04:00

Today is my mom's 4th day in heaven. I miss her terribly. Today we celebrated her home going. Her funeral was a beautiful, worship filled celebration. I'm drained, but I am enjoying some down time with Aaron and Emily. Dad drove Grandma & Grandpa home. We'll all get back together tomorrow...and Monday we will bury her.

God's strength has been miraculous. He is so real. I'm so thankful. I was hurting tonight, almost thought I had a panic attack coming on. Too many thoughts were whirling in my brain. I asked God to give me something to focus on. He simply said...focus on Jesus. While Aaron and Emily were napping, I spent close to 1 1/2 hours pouring through Mom's Bible. Her highlighted passages were so wonderfully appropriate and comforting. I especially spent time looking at passages that promised of Jesus coming again.

God has answered so many specific prayers. 1. I was dreading and fearful of the moment I was going to see my mom for the first time in her casket. I asked people to pray for an extra dose of grace for that moment. God answered. I walked in the room, and said..."She's beautiful". She really was. It was so wonderful to not see her struggling to breathe. I didn't want to touch her skin because I didn't want to feel the coolness. She was warm the last time I touched her. But I touched her dress and patted her shoulder.

2. After I found out she was gone, I knew right away that I wanted to speak at her funeral. I prayed hard that God would give me the appropriate words. The words had to be such that would honor her...yet be a witness as we have many people in our family who still need the Lord. Dad and I really wanted the plan of salvation shared. (The pastor did in his message). I was also praying that God would give me the strength to share what I wrote in the funeral. God answered both prayers. He gave me the words...and he gave me the strength. I had one of my best friends come up on the platform with me. She was my backup plan in case I got too choked up. Thankfully, I was able to read the whole thing...quite calmly.

Aaron has been my rock. He is absolutely amazing. He feels like he hasn't done much, but he has. He's BEEN HERE. He has shed almost just as many tears as I have...He's taken care of Emily. He's run errands. He played and sang at the funeral. He shared in many intimate, difficult conversations with my Dad and I about my mom's final moments. He has been there to lean on...emotionally and physically. He supported my family, and was an example of a true Godly man, husband & father. I'm so thankful to have him as my husband. There really are no words to describe what he means to me...or how much I love him.

Emily has been my angel. Grammy would have been so proud and touched by her. She went up to mom in the casket and said "Awwww.....". When our babysitters arrived (all the way form Indiana), she insisted on bringing up each of them by the hand to show them her Grammy. She told people over and over that Grammy was with Jesus. She's been so good this week...incredibly patient when I haven't been able to give her the attention she normally gets.

I feel like I'm babbling...but, I think it's to be expected.

It's amazing the things you don't normally think of in regards to funerals. Take picking out flowers for example. How can something hurt so much and feel so right all the same time? It truly was painful. Making arrangements with a director...agonizing.... yet funeral directors have a powerful ministry to families. We were blessed to have an EXCELLENT director. So kind, gracious & sensitive.

That's it...I'm done... I'm tired. I'm sure more aimless ramblings will come later. I think this blog is going to get a lot more use. An outlet...

Please keep praying. It's so desperatly needed. We've made it through most of the initial crisis. Now we just have to rediscover what normal is going to look like. That's going to be no small task. Please keep my dad and grandparents in your prayers as well.

Psalms 91

2007-10-25T14:56:00.000-04:00

Yesterday at around 9am my mother died. Suddenly...unexpectedly.

I will write more later in days ahead. For now, I'm just trying to breathe. My heart is broken. The grief is like nothing I've never experienced. However, I don't grieve as someone without hope. Heaven is a delightful promise. God is faithful and good. I'm trusting in Him...and believing his grace is sufficent.

But sometimes, it's all I can do to breathe. My heart hurts so much.

The day before she died, my mom called and said she wanted me to read Psalms 91. She said she felt led to give it to me.

Little did I know...

The arrangements are as follows:

Victoria Bennett

Visitation:
Friday 6-8pm
The Sytsema Chapel
737 Apple Ave
Muskegon, MI 49442

Funeral:
Saturday 1:00pm
First Wesleyan Church
1040 E. Forest Ave
Muskegon, MI 49441

55 Hours

2007-08-22T15:59:00.000-04:00

Wanna knows what's nice? Finding out that the event that booked your husband for Friday, Saturday & Sunday is canceled because they made a mistake and booked another group instead. They felt horrible and offered to pay us since we tied up a weekend on our schedule for them. We just asked them to book us sometime within the next 6 months. So, Water in2 Wine isn't really out much.

...and our little family now has Friday, Saturday & Sunday completely free.

That's roughly 55 hours to use at our own discretion. 55 hours of breathing easy. 55 hours suddenly given to us that we didn't think we would have. 55 hours to do WHATEVER we want.

Wow.

Already I have thoughts popping in to my head of what I should do. I desperatly need to give our house a really late spring...um...I mean early fall cleaning. You know, the kind where you pitch and toss bags full of stuff, dust every imaginable square inch, & re-organize every drawer & closet.

Then there is grocery shopping. Yep, we're over due on that too.

Not to mention, I REALLY want to take Emily to the park or do something silly & fun with her. I actually wouldn't mind taking her back to the zoo. (We opted for an annual pass.)

Then...there's Jane Eyre. I've been trying to re-read it, but have only found myself to be on chapter 12. That's not for a lack of enjoying it, though. I just have only found time to read a chapter here and there.

Since Aaron is back on 2nd shift, we are also over due for a date.

Oh! We also have a bunch of free rentals for McDonald's Red Box. Wouldn't mind cashing in 1 or 2 of those.

There is always the pictures and recipies that I've been wanting to organize since I first found out I was pregnant with Emily.

Recipies??? That's right, I need to plan some meals that would be easier to fix on our schedule. (Which, by the way, I'm VERY open to suggestions.)

Suddenly 55 hours makes my tummy tighten up a little bit and my breath come a little quicker. The excitement deflates. Too many decisions. Too much of a battle between what I SHOULD do, and what I WANT to do. Too much debating about whether or not what I THINK I should be doing is what I ACTUALLY should be doing. Do I strive to make good use of every waking second...or do I give in to the luxuries of spontanaity and making things up as I go along?

I guess we'll find out. I think blogging about it before hand gives me a sense of accountability...especially if I commit to blogging on Monday about what I did.

Am I normal? Does anyone else go through this? I sure hope so.

An Ode to Taxi Divers

2007-08-16T12:13:00.000-04:00

Spring semester of my freshman year of college, I signed up to take "Creative Writing" with Mary Brown. I'm not sure what I expected going into this class, but after the first 2 sessions, I called my Dad and told him that "These people have issues". I felt like you had to all but "become" the poem in order to get a clue what the professor and students were talking about. I presumed that if you were gifted, you could naturally "feel" what the poem was trying to express through it's abstract words and layout. I, however, thought I deserved a gift if I could just figure out why the title fit THIS poem and not the poem three pages before.

And then...

We had to write our own.

What had I gotten myself into?

Actually the semester proved to not be a total failure. In fact, I was quite proud of myself once the segment on poetry was over. I managed to come up with a few poems that were...well...not all that bad! I even found myself enjoying the class. The people that I thought "had issues" I realized I actually respected and admired them for the pieces of writing they produced. My professor told me that she could tell the point when I started "crossing over". She could see it in my writing. I still think everyone wrote far better than I did, but at least she could see I was trying.

Once we were done with poetry, we moved on to creative fiction. The outcome of the project was less than desiarable to say the least. My short story had something to do with 2 people getting caught in a tornado. (Look...it was the end of the semester, summer was right around the corner, and I had already spent my creative energy on the poetry side of things. I still ended up with an A or a B in the class, so...I was happy!)

The other day, Aaron and I went out to buy a new cell phone for him. After conducting our business, the salesman needed to write down a number for Aaron to call and activate something on our account. The salesman grabbed a business card that was sitting on a desk. It was advertising a taxi driver named Craig. As we were later driving home, I flipped over the card and discovered this poem on the back. As I read it out loud to Aaron, we were really "feeling" the poem. We were laughing sooo hard. I couldn't help but thinking to myself what Mary Brown and this year's Creative Writing students would have thought of this poem....or what they would have titled it. Better yet, what grade would I receive if I had turned in something like this:

The taxicab driver sits in his car,

And waits for calls from near and far.

He knows all the crooks, and he knows all the

rooks,

He knows all the bad roads, he knows all the nooks.

He knows our sorrows, he knows our joys,

He knows all the girls who are chasing the boys.

HE knows all our trouble, he knows all our strife.

He knows every man who ducks from his wife.

If the taxicab driver told half that he knows,

He would turn all our firends into foes.

He would sow a small breeze that would soon be a

gale,

Engulf us in trouble-land us in jail,

He would start forth a story, which gaining in

force,

Would cause half our wives to sue for divorce.

He'd get all our homes mixed up in a fight,

And turn our brightest days into sorrowing nights,

In fact, he could keep the whole town in a stew,

If he told half the things he knew.

So here we are- just pay us our fees, we don't know

a thing about our ABC's.

Craig...for what it's worth, your poem would have still probably faired better with Mary Brown than my tornado story did. Thanks for the laugh!

Quiet Greatness

2007-08-07T21:55:00.000-04:00

My Grandpa is still with us, though we doubt he will be for much longer. The doctors say it's just a matter of time. I'm so very thankful for the precious visits I had with him this weekend, and I'm so thankful for the chance I had to say good bye.

My Dad will be giving Grandpa's eulogy at the funeral. As the family came in to visit Grandpa this weekend, Dad asked each one to send him comments about things they remember about Grandpa. As a result, my cousin Jeff sent the following e-mail to Dad.

I don't know how anyone could possibly say it better.

The most I can remember of Grandpa isn't specific stories. I remember the type of person he was. He was the kind of person that was always calm and centered. It was that consistancy that allowed him to affect those around him. You could see what he left in people. He didn't say "Do as I say", nor did he have to. Who he was spoke louder than he could speak. Through who he was you would learn more than a few thing. Through his actions he could tell you "You don't need to beg, you can earn", "You don't need to say 'I can't', because I could always find a way", "You don't need to feel anger or hatred, because I can find the good in all people." I know we'll all miss him greatly, but he's left a little of himself with each of us. He's left us memories, values, and shaped who we've become in a variety of ways. He's touched each of us in his own way, and each a little differently. However, every way has lead us closer to the best of who we could be. We'll eventually pass his lessons, his values, his memories to those that come after us. Even though he'll be gone from this world, he'll still be a part of us. Jeff

Grandpa...you are so loved by so many. As for me, I don't know how a girl could love her Grandpa more. Leaving the nursing home for the last time was so very hard. Thanks for touching my face, for telling me your memory of our walk in the woods & for telling me how much you love me. Thank you for living in a way that leaves me no doubt of the fact that I'll see you again. Oh Grandpa...my heart aches, yetI don't want to hold you back. You would never be so selfish, and I can't be that way either. I told you at the nursing home that you could go on home if you needed to, and I meant it. Each night I find myself praying that Jesus will just take you. I know his timing is perfect and I'm just thankful that you aren't suffering and that you are at such peace.

I don't really know how to end this. Do I say goodbye? Do I say I love you? I don't know. I feel right now the way I did when it was time to leave the nursing home. Wanting to find the exact words...stalling to leave.

I guess Heaven is all the conclusion I need.

Grandpa...please pray

2007-08-02T09:34:00.000-04:00

Last night at 7:00, I received a call that my Grandfather in Michigan is dying. By 7:45, Emily and I were packed and on the road. Sometime between 1:00-1:30 AM we pulled into the hospital. We were there until 3:00AM, and finally went to bed at my parents at 4:00AM. The doctors say this is definitley the end. It's just a matter of time. They knew he was sick, but the rapid decline took us by surprise. Please just pray for our family, especially my dad. There are so many strenuous family dynamics involved in the situation that would take 30 posts to blog about. Not to mention, my dad is losing his dad that he is very very very close to.

There are many things to be thankful for in this situation.

1. Emily did a fantastic job on the trip, at the hospital etc.

2. We made it in time to have a precious visit with him while he is still lucid.

3. Things at work are going so smoothly, it doesn't phase me or stress me out to be off for several days.

4. My Grandpa is a Christian. The peace that surrounds his countenance is a blessed comfort to see.

5. I have the promise of Heaven. This is not good bye. It's "see you later". I can't tell you how much this means to me, or to the extent that I was praising God for this promise while sitting in the hospital waiting room.

6. Grandpa is getting ready to go home. He's going to be so happy there. He'll never have to stress or be upset again. Just perfect peace. He's blind, so Jesus' face will be the first thing he's seen in years. He's going to get to see his family that's gone before him.

God is good!

My new favorite DVD

2007-08-01T13:43:00.000-04:00

So....

Last night I excitedly used some spending money to by this: http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.do?product_id=5495331

I could listen to them forever. Maybe it's my Irish roots, or maybe I'm just a big nerd. Either way, I wish I could have had front row seats at the recording of this concert.

An Ashlock Family Summer (a.k.a.: A list of excuses as to why I haven't blogged)

2007-08-01T12:27:00.000-04:00

The 2007 Ashlock Family Summer has consisted of fun activities such as:

1. Aaron getting another "A" on his latest class. 3 classes completed + 3 "A's" = VERY proud wife! He started a new class on Monday.

2. Blowing Bubbles

2. A quick weekend home that entailed an afternoon at the beach with dear friend Marcy & baby Conner (Emily can not talk about the beach without talking about "her baby Conner".) Emily also got to see her "Aunt" Amanda and her beautiful house, but mommy didn't get any pictures. We also had to say a tearful goodbye to some very special friends. Tim, Marcea, Emma, Taylor, Maddie...our next trip home won't be the same without you there! We love you!

3. Exciting Water in2 Wine travels. We've hired a new driver.

4. Directing a week of VBS. This year's theme was "Water Works" (A water park). We had entirely way too much fun. Emily LOVED it! I think her favorite part was the bubble machine. Surprised?

5. A trip to the zoo. Unfortunately, Mommy didn't take the camera AGAIN. In her defense, the battery was low on the camera after snapping VBS pictures. Daddy saved the day by taking the video camera. Ever since our zoo trip, Emily tries to swim like a dolphin during bath time. This usually leads to a soaking wet Mommy(dolphins splash a lot), but Mommy just splashes back. :)

6. Recording a CD of our Wednesday night Kids Club singing their favorite songs...Thanks to our wonderful producer, Aaron!

7. A surprise b-day party thrown for me by my WONDERFUL in-laws whom I DEARLY love! The party came complete with details like good friends, grilled food (my favorite summer treat) and my very own pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream. :) God has blessed me with in-laws that I just love to pieces.

I "think" that wraps up the highlights of our summer so far. It has definitely been busy but blessed. There's even more fun in store, though. In 1 1/2 weeks my hubby is going to be singing here: http://www.unitymusicfestival.com/ We are soooo excited. They sang here last year as well and we had such a good time. The fact that the festival is in my hometown & near the beach is a nice perk too. :)

"Sicky"

2007-06-29T11:46:00.000-04:00

Emily has the yucky tummy flu today. Well, the last couple of days actually. Hopefully with a little TLC from Mommy, snuggly blankets, Bugs-Bunny cartoons & Jell-O, she'll be feeling better soon.

Evidence

2007-06-21T22:16:00.000-04:00

Blond hair

Big, blue eyes

Lopsided pigtails

Giant, half-eaten strawberry in-hand

Damp, matted bangs

Denim jumper soaked from a family, water hose escapade

Sticky face tilted upward asking for kisses

Bare feet; chipping pink polish

I say to you with confidence that I know my God exists.

If doubt were to prevail, however, these 3 seconds would be all the evidence I would need to last a lifetime.

The Fathers in My World

2007-06-19T21:47:00.000-04:00

Daddy & Emmy

These two are best buds. Aaron is such a wonderful Daddy, and Emmy just adores him. It just melts my heart watching these two love each other so much.

Grandpa & His Girls

I am a Daddy's girl through and through. My Dad and I have always had something pretty special. Emily thinks the world of him, too.

Father's Day Weekend

2007-06-19T21:28:00.000-04:00

Our little family headed to Michigan this past weekend. We packed a lot of activity into a few brief days. We were blessed to have opportunity to visit some of my extended family in addition to my parents. I'm posting some pictures below:

Mommy had an unexpected visit with her cousin Anne & daughter Caitlyn. We all met up together when we saw Grandpa Bennett in the nursing home. I can't believe we are both Mommy's! :)

Grandpa & Emily hiding in the closet. I'm not sure who was having more fun. :)

Visiting Great Grandpa Bennett in the nursing home.
Exploring Grandpa & Grammy's yard.

Great Grandma & Grandpa Hagaman came over to visit for an afternoon. Emmy was VERY glad to see them.

"Wiladean"

2007-06-13T08:56:00.000-04:00

Wiladean went to be with Jesus at 2AM this morning.

Wiladean, we'll miss you. Everybody loved you. You had a way of making me feel pretty special. I think it was the way your contagious smile would brighten your face when you saw me. I'm sure many people can atest to that smile and that feeling of specialness. Thank you for teaching me as a little girl in Sunday School, and as a big girl in the church office. Thanks for opening up and sharing your heart with me in your apartment...and for your cookies during those visits. Thanks for letting the kids bring you muffins. Thanks for loving your church and it's pastors.

I remember the day I attended Brookhaven during my 1st semester of college. Because of your ministry as a greeter, your face was the first that I saw...and it was familiar. That was pure medicine to my terribly homesick heart.

You go on home, Wiladen. You've earned it. You're with Jesus this very moment. Oh, I can't imagine the glory of it all, nor the way your face smiles now... bigger than ever before. Enjoy your reunion with your husband. Stand up tall and breathe in that crystal clean, pure, heavenly air with ease. Relish in your first burden-free, eternal day without a broken heart. Check out all the new sights for us, and don't let Eldine give you too hard of a time. :)

We'll see you later.

PS...

2007-06-12T14:43:00.000-04:00

We caught Jerry.

I feel much better....

Wednesday Night Randomness

2007-06-06T21:19:00.000-04:00

1. Bob Parker is retiring from the show "Price is Right". I'm taking this rather hard. The show is susposed to continue on. I predict it won't even last a year with a new host.

2. I've been missing Brookhaven a lot lately. While it was good to see people at the funeral this week, it only made me ache worse. I'm just glad people hug a lot at funerals.

3. Aaron saw a mouse in our kitchen yesterday. If it is the same mouse that I saw this winter, his name is Jerry. The mouse is still on the loose having run under the stove before Aaron could do anything about it. I'm not happy about this, and am quite afraid to open any kitchen cupboards.

4 Aaron and I are sensing a need for some pretty dramatic changes in our life. I'm trying to be hopefully expectant at what God's power is able to do and what His perfect plan will bring.

5. It feels good to blog tonight.

6. I think the "Terrible Two's" aren't terrible at all. I actually can't imagine a more fun stage. (Though I'm sure I'll think the same thing about 3, 4, 5, etc.)

7. My husband watched a "Celtic Women" DVD with me last night, and let me fall asleep with my head in his lap.

8.. I'm glad God promises to complete the good work He started in me.

9. Emily just woke up crying, so.... I bid you good night. :)

"Helpful Emily"

2007-06-04T09:05:00.000-04:00

Last night after church, Emily and I were sitting on the couch looking at some pictures on my computer. I sneezed a couple of times and my nose was stuffy. Emily looked up at me after I sniffed and asked if I was sad. I said, "No, Mommy just sneezed and my nose is running. " To which she responded. "Oh...nose runnin'. I get it. I be right back".

My two-year old then hops off the couch, grabs my husband's dirty sock from the floor that he has just kicked off, and heads back my way. Before I can stop her, she has climbed back into my lap and proceeds to wipe my nose with said sock.

It was absolutely disgusting.

Aaron cracked up.

Emily was quite proud of herself.

I mentally added several boxes of Kleenex to my grocery list, and praised Emily for being so helpful.

Ah...parenting.

Eldine

2007-06-03T17:43:00.000-04:00

Rev. Landis died this past week. He died in way that has become all too familiar for this family, and not in a way that you would expect for a 76 year old man. You would have thought it would have been something like his heart. Instead, he was struck by a van while riding his motorcycle/scooter.

When I read the words in the paper...I thought they were lying. My mind couldn't comprehend it. I ached for his family, his church, his widowed daughter-in-law on a mission trip in the Ukraine trying to get home in time for the funeral, and his grandchildren who have now lost two heros in their lifetime.

Today as I lay in bed trying to take a Sunday nap, I ached especially for his wife Ruth. Eldine died 3 days before their 54th wedding anniversary. Tomorrow, she will celebrate without him. How quickly things can change. I wondered what their last words were together. After 54 years, they probably weren't spoken hastily and angrily over the lack of recent help with dishes. My mind drifted to what if it was me. Oh how I would hurt. My heart would break. It's too painful to imagine. Suddenly the dishes didn't seem so important. I had an overwhelming need to reach out and touch my sleeping husband. I did, so thankful for his warmth. One gentle hand...one strong arm...one simple act...one bed not lonely. I don't deserve such wealth.

Ruth...I'm praying for you tonight...especially for the moment when you reach out to touch.

http://www.chronicletribune.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070603/OBITUARIES/706030331/1023

:)

2007-06-01T12:59:00.000-04:00

"Splish Splash"

2007-06-01T11:59:00.000-04:00

We are still alive. I promise! :)

I'm working from home today, and Laura (my sister-in-law) came by to hang out for awhile. She took Emily outside for her first summer swim. What pink Wal-mart swimming pool would be complete without a makeshift water slide?

Enjoy the pictures! I couldn't resist...

PS. Despite the looks of sheer horror, Emmy was actually having a blast. The last two pics caught the moments of hitting the cold water after sliding down the slide. She was giggling non-stop afterwards.

More B-day pics...

2007-03-19T21:38:00.000-04:00

Yummy Cake!

Blowing out the candle (With a little help from Grandma)
Fun times with my new kitchen from Mommy & Daddy! :)

Dora B-day party pictures

2007-03-19T21:27:00.000-04:00

Decorations galore...

A special cake from Grammy & Grandpa...
Party Girl...
Hanging with friends & family...
"More presents for me?"

26+ Hours I Will Never Forget

2007-03-19T09:15:00.000-04:00

This time 2 years ago, I was laying in bed reading Psalms in an effort to find peace for my agitated heart. It was raining outside. I was "15" months pregnant... 2 days past my due date. Despite the Braxton Hicks contractions that had been coming at steady 5 minute intervals, my doctor told me the day before that my baby was at LEAST another week away from arriving. This news had been VERY upsetting to me. I had already used one week of my maternity leave. My time at home was going to be limited once Emily arrived...and the thought of "wasting" another week was unbearable. My parents had already arrived anticipating a 2 week stay. With the latest news from the doctor, they decided that they would only stay the weekend. On Monday, they would head home. They assured me they would stay on standby mode...ready to come as soon as they got the notorious "call". Things were not going as planned...and my nerves were fried. Thus, I could be found curled up in bed, seeking comfort from God that my husband and parents couldn't give (though they were trying!). Finally it came. I truly felt like He told me He had everything under control...and that things would be okay.

This day 2 years ago was also a very important day for my husband. He was to have one of his biggest concerts yet. It was to be held at the Paramount Theater in Anderson. I was very excited for him. Even in spite of how emotional I was, I was very thankful that Emily hadn't chosen to arrive at a time that would keep Aaron from missing his concert. After a power walk at our church with my dad, we headed home to get ready for the big event.

I was determined to look my best that night. Well, as best as one can can get while looking like a bloated whale. :) 3:00pm hit. I was somewhere between completeing the makeup and taking the curlers out. I had this sudden urge to sit down for a few minutes. I went into the living room and sat on the couch only to have a "gas pain" take me by suprise. I don't usually deal with that issue, but...hey...when you're pregnant, you don't ask questions. Your body calls the shots. :) Not giving it any more thought, I hurried to finish getting ready.

I remember the trip to Anderson with my dad. I had 3 or 4 more "gas pains" on the way down. At one point, it finally dawned on me that maybe these weren't gas pains after all. I casually mentioned it to my dad. We still weren't too convinced anything exciting was going on.

The concert was WONDERFUL! I was so proud of my hubby. :) One of the other acts was a comedian. He was hilarious and kept me laughing so hard. Funny... my "gas pains" came right as the comedian would tell his funniest jokes. It's a strange thing...laughing in pain. Halfway through the evening, I (and others around me) finally got the drift that these weren't gas pains...but contractions. My dad and I began to time them. I have to confess, my focus wasn't completely on the concert at this point. :)

By the time the concert was over, the equipment torn down and the trailer loaded, things were getting pretty serious. It wasn't exactly fun and games at that point. We headed back home to Marion where I spent the next several hours crushing Aaron's hand, trying to listen to my Mom's instructions on breathing, and dreading Dad's subtle warnings that his watch indicated another contraction would soon be on it's way. At 1:00AM, our doctor gave us the okay to head to the hospital. At 5:07pm, Emily proved our doctor wrong & decided to join us...26 hours after that first 3:00pm pain.

This past Saturday, we celebrated her 2nd b-day. After the party was over, the house cleaned up & Emily was tucked in her bed asleep, I crept into her room. I sat on her floor and just looked at her. It's so amazing to look at another human being and see a little bit of you and a little bit of your spouse. My thoughts turned to prayers as I thought of her future...and the days she's already graced us with. I regret how quickly the time is flying by. I don't understand how she can be 2 already. However, as I watched her sleep, I couldn't help but get excited and dreaming of the future. Days where b-day lists change from toys to I-Pods. Days where she tells me of the latest drama at school. Days where we sit planning her wedding.

Emily, I just want you to I'm so proud of you! 2 years ago, my world dramatically changed. Though not every moment of motherhood is always "loveable"... I have loved YOU every moment. Your daddy loves you so much too. You take our breath away. You're at a very fun age right now. You're constantly learning new things and making us laugh. Your personality is DEFINITLEY developing and coming through. I so look forward to this next year of your life. I can't wait to see what it holds. I thank Jesus for you everyday, and I can't wait to see the plans He has for you.

Picture 2'nd attempt

2007-03-09T10:02:00.000-05:00

This picture is actually pretty dated. It's from last July. We were getting ready to head to the beach in Muskegon. I tried to put a more recent picture on, but it kept showing up all black. Weird. More pics. to come soon!

Emily

2007-03-09T09:24:00.000-05:00

Amy...this one is for you. :) It's not the best...but I think it's precious none-the-less. Then again, I'm probably a tad bit prejudice. :)

Update...

2007-03-09T08:25:00.000-05:00

Perhaps the best place to start is with an update. :)

We are still (and will remain for awhile) a family of 3.

Emily is getting ready to turn 2 this month. I can NOT believe this. It's just not possible that it's already been this long. Her birth STILL seems like just yesterday. It's been an incredible 2 years, though. I'm thankful for every day that God has allowed Aaron and I to be her parents.
She has a delightful personality. Very strongwilled at times, yet obedient (for the most part). She loves to laugh and giggle. Anyone who will chase her, tickle her toes or sit and play with her gets a star in her book. She loves to watch Dora and Bugs Bunny. Her vocabulary amazes us, and we get such a kick out of listening to her talk. She actually tells us that she loves us now, and she's learning to talk to Jesus. :) Emily has 2 best friends. There is a couple at church that have twin girls almost exactly 6 months younger than Emily. She thinks Natalie and Lilly are the living end.
Emily LOVES to snuggle. I'm so thankful God gave me a cuddly daughter.
I think one of the most delightful things about being Emily's mommy is that even the most mundane things in life can now be the grandest adventures. Grocery shopping and trips to "Mal-Mart" (read: Wal-Mart) are exciting with Emily who is constantly checking out her world with squeals of delight. With the exception of Pneumonia this winter, her health has been excellent. She's recovered beautifully from that, and we didn't even have to put her in the hospital. Emily has brought so much joy to our world. She is such a blessing from God.

I'm still madly in love with this guy named "Aaron". :) Aaron is a wonderful man. He's a better husband and father than I dared to dream God would bless me with. I wish you could see him with Emily(who just adores her Daddy!). He's so patient with her. He's firm when it comes to discipline, yet he is so gentle and tender. Aaron and Emily are each other's favorite playmates. :) Those two are going to have a LOT of special daddy/daughter times in the years ahead. Emily has an ear infection this week. Yesterday, I had to go to work and Aaron took the day off to stay with her. I had NO qualms whatsoever about leaving her with him. He gave her top notch care. She had the right medicine at the right time, was given good food to eat, & got her nap in when it was needed. I didn't have to worry. That's something I DON'T take for granted.

Aaron is starting back to school this week. :) I'm soooo proud of him! There is a new program being offered at IWU. He'll be able to take online classes and wrap up his degree in no time flat. We're very excited about this...and VERY thankful for the tuition benefit I get through my job. :)

Aaron and his brother Jonathan still travel with their music ministry on the weekends. It's so much fun. We're actually in a lull right now, which is typical for this time of year. It's hard to schedule churches between Christmas and Easter. We've enjoyed the down time and having an opportunity to be more involved at church. However, things will pick up again in April. Once we get on the road, I'll post about what it's REALLY like traveling with Waterin2Wine. :)

In addidtion to being a husband, father, student & traveling singer, Aaron also works a full-time, 2nd shift job. He's a busy guy! I couldn't be prouder of anyone else though. I thank God often that I'm the lucky gal who got to be Aaron's wife. :)

I'm doing well also. I'm really enjoying life at the moment. Still working full-time. However, I now get to work Fridays at home. THAT is a WONDERFUL blessing. It makes everything so much more manageable. Our days are busy and intense, but our weekends are wonderful. I'm learning so much about God's daily supply of grace and mercy. He's been so good to me. :)

Between working, trying to keep the house, teaching our Wed. night kids' club, being a wife & mother, I really don't have much time for hobbies. :) That's NOT to say I don't have fun, or occasionaly get time to myself. I'm getting to know some people from church better. When the right mood strikes, I love to go shopping. Once and awhile I even get to pull a good book from the shelf. :) Not mention, I got to take a spontaneous trip to Kansas just days before Christmas to witness the birth of our dear friends' son. (I did almost get stranded at Chicago O'Hare for Christmas...but that's another story.) Even though things are busy, I can't imagine life being much sweeter.

Well, I have a little girl who is trying to come between me and the computer asking to snuggle. So, I'm going to sign off and enjoy some snuggling. :) Take care, and I PROMISE...you'll hear form us soon! :)

Fresh Start

2007-03-09T07:54:00.000-05:00

It's time to start again. I've missed blogging. So, I'm going to attempt it again. I'm not making promises of a daily post. However, I will try to commit to at least once a week. That should be manageable...right?

(Although...I'm not sure who will even be reading it. I'm sure most people have long given up hope)

Here goes nothing!